Ouch and Outrageous: The Case of a Contraceptive's Misstaken Use
A woman is suing the pharmacy that sold her a popular contraceptive jelly. Why? Because she actually ate the stuff on toast - and complained she got pregnant anyway.
And, incredibly, many legal experts are saying she's got an excellent chance of collecting!
"The woman is a complete idiot," said one attorney who asked that we not use his name. (Gee, I wonder why.) "How bright can you be if you think eating a
vaginal gel will prevent conception?"
"But certain aspects of the case involve truth in labeling and false advertising issues," continued the attorney. "She may not collect but she'll make a lot of noise and trouble. People are down on lawyers anyway. They think we waste time and money on frivolous lawsuits. This isn't going to help
our public relations any."
A spokesman for the unnamed mom-and-pop drugstore says he's shocked and angry that such a case could ever be taken seriously. "All she has to do is open the box and read the directions," says the spokesman. "Next thing you know someone will come after us because they couldn't stick things together with their toothpaste.
"I can just imagine some moron saying: 'It's paste, isn't it? Why can't I glue these papers onto my bulletin board?'"
But attorneys for the pregnant woman we will call Sally say she was swindled and lied to by implication. She intends to make the pharmacy pay $500,000 for the hardship the woman will have to endure as a result of the pregnancy.
"It says right on it 'jelly,'" says Sally, a former model who was once a cheerleader for a popular professional basketball team.
"And they kept it on the shelf just two aisles from the food section. I know, now, that the directions say it should be used vaginally with a condom.
"But who has time to sit around reading directions these days - especially when you're sexually aroused?
"The company should call it something else and the pharmacy shouldn't sell it without telling each and every customer who buys it that eating it won't prevent you from getting pregnant. There should be a clear label on the package. There should be a law against this." Sally added.
As bizarre as it sounds, the pharmacy could wind up losing the lawsuit. "It's hard for businesses to avoid troublesome lawsuits," said another weary attorney.
"With the courts bending over backwards to please consumer groups, the temper of the times is perfect for these crackpots to bring legal action against businesses - even a moronic legal action like this," he stated.
Yeah? I'm cheering for the moronic cheerleader. You go, girl!
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