Showing posts with label holiday-recipes. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Dennys Food and Recipes: Labor Day, Football Tailgating: Check Out Some New Drinks, Appetizer Cheesy Zucchini No-Fry Fries with Smoked Paprika Dip Sauce

Associated Press photo by Matthew Mead -- Cutting a zucchini into frylike sticks then cooking them delivers a signature crunch without the deep-frying.

Photo: Matthew Mead/AP

Dennys Food and Recipes: Labor Day, Football Tailgating: Check Out Some New Drinks, Appetizer Cheesy Zucchini No-Fry Fries with Smoked Paprika Dip Sauce: From Denny: Ready to try something new for the Labor Day weekend and tailgating season? Audition it on Labor Day and check out your reviews, and, if all goes well, you have some winners for the tailgating season. I know. I know. The conventional wisdom is that you are not supposed to audition something new on your guests but my crowd likes to review. Come on; put a little risk into your life!

I usually cook up standards I know most people enjoy and then introduce a couple of new things for review and comment. It's a conversation starter and since my friends tend to be as opinionated as myself, well, they enjoy weighing in. They even make suggestions to kick it up, tone it down or variations that I might not have considered. Since I value their input it's all done in good fun. For my guests to take home I also make copies of the new recipes with space for them to make notes while we discuss the food.

The first two drinks up for consideration are old standards with new twists: a Planter's Punch and a Bloody Mary. The new twist for the Planter's Punch is that it has some added Camus Cognac with the apple cider, apple juice and pineapple juice. The new twist for the Bloody Mary is the addition of Lucid Absinthe with the spicy bloody mary mix, worchestershire sauce, horseradish, black pepper, celery salt and garlic salt. These two drinks come from Niccole Trzaska at The Liberty Bar in New York City.

This appetizer recipe is from Chef Sara Moulton, one of the busiest TV chefs. Check out this link to her site for online cooking classes, links to her TV shows and awesome easy recipes. Sara has enjoyed a long career: a 25-year stint at Gourmet magazine (which had a run from 1941 - 2009), hosted several Food Network shows for a decade, hosts public TV's "Sara's Weeknight Meals" and has written three cookbooks, one of which is "Sara Moulton's Everyday Family Dinners." Whew! All while raising her own family. It's no wonder she specializes in quick and easy food...

Dennys Food and Recipes: Labor Day, Football Tailgating: Check Out Some New Drinks, Appetizer Cheesy Zucchini No-Fry Fries with Smoked Paprika Dip Sauce

Louisiana Seafood Reusable Shopping Bag

Check out awesome Louisiana eating: oysters, shrimp, crawfish, gumbo, jambalaya

Visit Denny Lyon Gifts @ CafePress.com - see what's new!

Recent related articles:

BBQ Grilling: Red Onions, Shishito Peppers with Peanut Sauce

BBQ Grilling: Grilled Puttanesca Gazpacho

BBQ Grilling: Tasty Compound Butters To Compliment Your Recipes

BBQ Grilling: Goat Cheese Stuffed Grilled Sweet Potatoes

Summer Food: Blueberry Lemonade To Beat The Heat

Summer Food: Easy Blueberry Heaven Trifle

Summer Food: Deliciously Easy Small Blueberry Cake

Summer Food: Cream Cheese Pastry Blueberry-Apple Cobbler and Traditional Blueberry Cobbler

Summer Food: Blueberry Yum Yum Cake Says It All

Summer Food: Raspberry Almond Cheesecake Tartlets

Breakfast: Easy Simple French Toast Casserole

Funny Coffee Cats Shower Curtain

Not ready for the world before your cup of joe? Quit hissing, COFFEE's brewing!

Visit Denny Lyon Gifts @ CafePress.com - see what's new!

Monday, August 31, 2015

Dennys Food and Recipes: Super Simple Breakfast: Texas Hash, Sausage and Egg Casserole, More Casserole Links

Photo: Sausage Egg Casserole from AllRecipes.com

Dennys Food and Recipes: Super Simple Breakfast: Texas Hash, Sausage and Egg Casserole, More Casserole Links: From Denny: Going to the beach for Labor Day? Company coming and you are wondering what is easy to cook up for a hungry crowd? Here are a couple of easy recipes for breakfast any time of the day. They are also the kind of flexible recipes that you can add some of your favorite ingredients or seasonings to your taste...

Recent related articles:

Summer Food: Blueberry Lemonade To Beat The Heat

Summer Food: Easy Blueberry Heaven Trifle

Summer Food: Deliciously Easy Small Blueberry Cake

Summer Food: Cream Cheese Pastry Blueberry-Apple Cobbler and Traditional Blueberry Cobbler

Summer Food: Blueberry Yum Yum Cake Says It All

Summer Food: Raspberry Almond Cheesecake Tartlets

Breakfast: Easy Simple French Toast Casserole

Funny Coffee Cats Shower Curtain

Not ready for the world before your cup of joe? Quit hissing, COFFEE's brewing!

Visit Denny Lyon Gifts @ CafePress.com - see what's new!

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Food: Raspberry Almond Cheesecake Tartlets

Photo by Helana Brigman -- Instead of cheesecake, try Raspberry Almond Cream Tartlets.

Photo: Helana Brigman

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Food: Raspberry Almond Cheesecake Tartlets: From Denny: Do you enjoy cheesecake but want an easier way to make it? Then this recipe is for you. I like cheesecake too but find it too large for just two of us to eat and too time consuming to make unless I plan on entertaining a hungry crowd.

A springform pan is an absolute must to make a proper cheesecake - and the patience of a saint to leave the oven door cracked open as it slowly cools down for hours so you can hopefully avoid it cracking straight down the middle like an ugly scar. Usually, I've been pretty lucky over the years. Of course, when I wasn't lucky it was evident that a wonderful fruit topping like blueberry or strawberry could hide a multitude of sins just like gravy on a screwed up dinner. :)...

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Food: Raspberry Almond Cheesecake Tartlets

Recent related articles:

BBQ Grilling: Red Onions, Shishito Peppers with Peanut Sauce

BBQ Grilling: Butterflied Barbecue Chicken with Alabama White Sauce

BBQ Grilling: Goat Cheese Stuffed Grilled Sweet Potatoes

BBQ Grilling: Grilled Puttanesca Gazpacho

BBQ Grilling: Tasty Compound Butters To Compliment Your Recipes

Summer Food: Blueberry Lemonade To Beat The Heat

Summer Food: Easy Blueberry Heaven Trifle

Summer Food: Deliciously Easy Small Blueberry Cake

Summer Food: Blueberry Yum Yum Cake Says It All

Keep Calm, Really? Potholder

Unleash your funny inner emotional diva!

Visit Denny Lyon Gifts @ CafePress.com - see what's new!

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Food: Cream Cheese Pastry Blueberry-Apple Cobbler and Traditional Blueberry Cobbler

Advocate staff photo by HEATHER MCCLELLAND -- Good Blueberry Cobbler

The Advocate photo: HEATHER MCCLELLAND

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Food: Cream Cheese Pastry Blueberry-Apple Cobbler and Traditional Blueberry Cobbler: From Denny: Blueberries. The awesome blue food we all love. So, I went hunting for something interesting in the cobbler department for us this week. The first recipe is from our local newspaper, a blueberry cobbler made with a cream cheese pastry and a filling that consists of a combination of blueberries, apple and lemon. A cream cheese pastry always tastes great with a fruit filling, especially blueberries! It's a simple and straightforward pastry recipe with flour, salt and butter but also with cream cheese and a bit of orange juice added to the pastry to spike up the flavor.

The filling calls for fresh blueberries, an apple and lemon juice and lemon zest. While this recipe calls for sugar I often substitute brown rice syrup or agave syrup in its place for a lower glycemic index than refined white sugar. Try it half sugar and half agave as an idea, whatever you like at your house, just try experimenting until you find that sweet spot Goldilocks zone for your taste buds!

The second recipe is a traditional blueberry cobbler made in a 9-inch square baking pan like you do for brownies and is from a local Louisiana blueberry grower. When a recipe calls for margarine, well, I'm no fan of margarine, so I use clarified butter. If you don't have the time to make your own clarified butter it's now available in grocery stores as I saw a jar in Trader Joe's just last week.

Also note that I use "Tablespoon" and "teaspoon" as an easier read so you don't get confused by small type - by writing it out instead of an abbreviation and also capitalizing Tablespoon. There have been those moments when I was busy and scan read a recipe only to make a mistake with too much or too little of an ingredient so I changed all my recipes to reflect what I do here on my food blogs. The whole point is to enjoy a good food experience!

Oh, and the Denny Lyon Gifts ads are from my Cafe Press store. The profits go to my two favorite charities: the Greater Baton Rouge Food Bank that feeds half of Louisiana and St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital that has helped thousands of children on the Gulf Coast. After all, should anyone go hungry in America? Should any parent have to emotionally stress and experience financial ruin because their child got sick? Thank you to those of you supporting my gift store effort!...

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Food: Cream Cheese Pastry Blueberry-Apple Cobbler and Traditional Blueberry Cobbler

(As these articles post this week I'll add the links, so check back often!)

Recent related articles:

BBQ Grilling: Red Onions, Shishito Peppers with Peanut Sauce

BBQ Grilling: Butterflied Barbecue Chicken with Alabama White Sauce

BBQ Grilling: Goat Cheese Stuffed Grilled Sweet Potatoes

BBQ Grilling: Grilled Puttanesca Gazpacho

BBQ Grilling: Tasty Compound Butters To Compliment Your Recipes

Summer Food: Blueberry Lemonade To Beat The Heat

Summer Food: Easy Blueberry Heaven Trifle

Summer Food: Deliciously Easy Small Blueberry Cake

Louisiana Seafood Reusable Shopping Bag

Check out awesome Louisiana eating: oysters, shrimp, crawfish, gumbo, jambalaya

Visit Denny Lyon Gifts @ CafePress.com - see what's new!

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Food: Deliciously Easy Small Blueberry Cake

Advocate staff photo by HEATHER MCCLELLAND -- Small Blueberry Cake

Photo: The Advocate/HEATHER MCCLELLAND

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Food: Deliciously Easy Small Blueberry Cake: From Denny: This is an easy to assemble cake, practically a dump cake after you add together the dry ingredients and milk. You pour the melted butter over the batter without stirring and layer loads of blueberries on top and then bake to get this marbling effect.

Make sure you are using aluminum free baking powder, an easy find at most grocery stores these days and always at health food stores like Trader Joe's. You could also substitute agave syrup for the white sugar to lower the glycemic index. I'm considering trying it with brown rice syrup to see how it performs so I'll let you know later how that turns out. (First we have to finish off my experiment with a rice pudding recipe that came out quite well.)

While this recipe calls for Louisiana blueberries there are plenty of other blueberry growers with very delicious berries in Texas, Mississippi and California and other states too. Since blueberries have grown in popularity more farmers have turned to growing them. Get what is local to you so the berries will be fresh. Buy USA berries which supports workers and farmers in America.

This is a small pan cake (9" x 9") so it is suitable for just a snack for a few friends or a couple of people who regularly cook for two - with leftovers. Oh, that's too bad, you mean there might be more to enjoy for breakfast? This would be wonderful at tea time or a coffee break snack at the office or home as this little cake will travel well for picnics and gatherings too. It would even taste great chilled for the hot summer weather. Blueberries are awesome and healthy!

Oh, and a big thank you to those of you supporting Denny Lyon Gifts by purchasing products like aprons, t-shirts, pillows, bedding and mugs. My profits (paid by Cafe Press) go to the Greater Baton Rouge Food Bank here in Louisiana that basically feeds half of the state and also to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, two of my favorite charities that help a lot of children. Who should go hungry in America? Who should experience financial ruin because your child gets sick? So, I started up my small store at Cafe Press for some creative fun of designing and to give to these charities. So, again, thank you for your support. You guys rock!...

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Food: Deliciously Easy Small Blueberry Cake

(As these articles post this week I'll add the links, so check back often!)

Recent related articles:

BBQ Grilling: Red Onions, Shishito Peppers with Peanut Sauce

BBQ Grilling: Butterflied Barbecue Chicken with Alabama White Sauce

BBQ Grilling: Goat Cheese Stuffed Grilled Sweet Potatoes

BBQ Grilling: Grilled Puttanesca Gazpacho

BBQ Grilling: Tasty Compound Butters To Compliment Your Recipes

Summer Food: Blueberry Lemonade To Beat The Heat

Summer Food: Easy Blueberry Heaven Trifle

Lucy Name Canvas Lunch Tote

Lucy - whether human or beloved pet - deserves her own special tote for her yummy treats!

Visit Denny Lyon Gifts @ CafePress.com - see what's new!

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Dennys World of Quotes: Christmas: Funny and Thoughtful Christmas Quotes and Short Poems

Dennys World of Quotes: Christmas: Funny and Thoughtful Christmas Quotes and Short Poems: From Denny: Well, now that we have finished Christmas breakfast at our house it's time to roll out these fun Christmas quotes and Christmas poems for you and yours to enjoy!

Oh, how rude of me not to give you the Christmas breakfast menu: a Dutch Baby Oven Pancake with spiced cooked apples and a side of Honeysuckle Italian style ground Turkey made into a sausage which I spiced up extra with some seasoned brown rice, smokey paprika, garlic and extra virgin olive oil before shaping into small patties and cooking on the stovetop. Yeah, it's a tough day at our house all right. :)

And, yes, I made the roast turkey yesterday since we like to celebrate Christmas Eve as well so that pressure is non-existent. Made a wonderful wet rub for the turkey that sat a day uncovered in the fridge to marinate: rubbed under the skin and on top with a mixture of red moscato wine, extra virgin oil, and lovely spices and herbs like marjoram, rosemary, sage, ginger, sea salt, black pepper, smokey paprika, garlic powder, a touch of lite soy sauce and more. Blanched the green beans earlier in the week so all that needs to be done today is to heat them up in clarified butter and some spices as a side dish. All the cooking left is to bake the Louisiana sweet potatoes which are a divine dish in themselves they are so sweet! .... Click on the title link above to view the funny quotes at my quotes blog...

For plenty of holiday recipes and recipes for the entire year you can check out my four food blogs where I collect the best of our local cooks, my own recipes and variations, as well as the news and food networks:

Dennys Food and Recipes

Comfort Food From Louisiana

Romancing The Chocolate

Unusual 2 Tasty

*** Check out Holiday Recipes From Dennys Food and Recipes

Joyful X 2 Rectangular Canvas Pillow

Inspire: Keep your Joy up and flowing to attract order and harmony into your life all year long! Available in t-shirts for men, women, kids and baby along with bedding, pillows, dining, entertaining and technology like for your latest phone case! Phone cases listed here.

Oh, and the ads are for my Cafe Press store, Denny Lyon Gifts, where the proceeds go to the local food bank, Greater Baton Rouge Food Bank - and to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Slow Cooker: Strawberry Shortcake

Advocate staff photo by PATRICK DENNIS -- Have a red, white and blue treat with Slow Cooker Strawberry Shortcake.

Photo/Patrick Dennis @ The Advocate

Dennys Food and Recipes: Summer Slow Cooker: Strawberry Shortcake: From Denny: Summer heat. Bring on the berries! If you enjoy fresh strawberries and blueberries - along with a side dish of easy to make dessert - then this recipe is for you. Our local food columnist is a master at kid friendly recipes, quick recipes and less effort recipes for the working or busy parent.

So, when the summer heat gets you tired, think: what can the slow cooker do for me so I don't have to stand over the stove?

Julie Kay recommends this slow cooker recipe is best if you are home to make sure it does not over cook. In fact, it's one of those desserts that can be cooking while you serve dinner. If you have any extra fresh blueberries in the fridge then feel free to add them after the shortcake has cooked. This pretty dessert would be perfect for the Fourth of July holiday celebration too.

Morning Tangerine King Duvet - Wake up in a good mood with this happy bedding!

text: "calm morning, good morning, quiet morning"

This design available in several bedding sizes, pillows, pillow cases, shower curtains and more!

Visit Denny Lyon Gifts @ CafePress.com - see what's new!

More Recipes from Denny's blogs:

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Romancing The Chocolate: Prize Winner: Peppermint-Hot Chocolate Cake, Fudge Filling, Marshmallow Frosting

Photo provided by Southern LivingBritainy Shaw's Peppermint-Hot Cocoa Cake, right, is a runner-up in Southern Living's annual white cake contest. The Southern Living staff dressed Shaw's cake up by wrapping it in cookies. At left is the second-place cake.

Romancing The Chocolate: Prize Winner: Peppermint-Hot Chocolate Cake, Fudge Filling, Marshmallow Frosting: From Denny: Love hot chocolate? Thought of making it into a cake? Britainy Shaw, 25, of Louisiana (before that she lived in Texas and before that in Montana) decided it was a brilliant idea. She heard of Southern Living magazine's contest and decided to enter just for fun, taking third for this cake recipe.

She said her thoughts immediately went to her favorite Christmas flavors. “For some reason, all I could think of were drinks. I love hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps in it.”

Her cake consists of three layers of buttermilk chocolate cake that is filled with a fudge-mint filling, frosted with peppermint-tinged marshmallow crème frosting.

Fat Elf Christmas Square Cocktail Plate

Delivery: 1 fat elf stuffed full of good cheer! Awww, come on; you know you are part of the I Believe Club. Take home a fat elf today!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Dennys: News Politics Comedy Science Arts & Food: Check Out Christmas Posts: Funny, Music, Cartoons, Quotes, Recipes, Poems, Stories

Dennys: News Politics Comedy Science Arts & Food: Check Out Christmas Posts: Funny, Music, Cartoons, Quotes, Recipes, Poems, Stories: From Denny: Check out so many Christmas themed posts that you will pig out like it is a holiday feast.

I've been blogging for three years now and have found loads of Christmas music of all genres - and still adding. Interesting food to enjoy along with Christmas humor to keep you laughing as well as munching through your busy holidays.

This year I'm adding more Christmas stories and poems, the classics. Every year there are new recipes to try so the holiday food train just keeps on rolling!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Romancing The Chocolate: Decadent Chocolate Cake

Romancing The Chocolate: Decadent Chocolate Cake: This chocolate cake uses high end chocolate, just perfect for the discriminating tastes for the holidays.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Dennys Food and Recipes: From Chef Mario Batali: Grilled Easter Lamb, Pasta, Cheese Dishes

Dennys Food and Recipes: From Chef Mario Batali: Grilled Easter Lamb, Pasta, Cheese Dishes: "From Denny: Chef Mario Batali is rolling out a simple easy to do Easter dinner. He is also rolling out a new TV show in September of this year where he and a few friends discuss food and pop culture. It sounded like the name of this new show is 'The Chew.' If it's as good as his serial food show he and Mark Bittman and Gwyneth Paltrow did on Spain it should be a joy to watch - and learn.

On the Good Morning America set Chef Batali treated us to an Italian style Easter meal where the Italians love to celebrate the food of the season. If you enjoy potatoes as much as cheesy pasta, then his Pastiera dish is for you. Even vegetarians can enjoy this meal for the side dishes with cheese and eggs.

As usual Chef Mario has everything simplified so you can enjoy your holiday. Take a look at this wonderful grilled lamb dish.

Recipes Featured:

Butterflied Leg of Lamb with Garlic, Rosemary and Mint
Agnolotti Alla Primavera
Asparagus Milanese
Pastiera"

See Cartoons by Cartoon by Peter Broelman - Courtesy of Politicalcartoons.com - Email this Cartoon

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes, Video, Cartoons and Food Posts

Enjoy some Thanksgiving humor along with more delectable recipes to make your mouth water waiting for the next holiday.

From Denny: Funny Thanksgiving quotes, a funny Thanksgiving dance video, funny Thanksgiving cartoons, an hilarious post featuring fighting turkeys with captions, another funny post about the infamous Gluttony Pants now in holiday fashion - and lots of great food. What more could you ask for after a great meal while cruising the web? Uh... maybe a waist extender for my pants? Oh, yeah... but the food was soooo good! :)

And a few serious gratitude posts to round out the season...

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone, and hope you enjoy your holiday!

Funny posts:

Funny Holiday Fashion: Gluttony Pants - Get the latest holiday clothing to ensure comfortable holiday feasting.

21 Funny Thanksgiving Fighting Turkey Photos

Funny Thanksgiving Presidential Pardon 4 Turkeys Apple and Cider - Check out some funny trivia about presidential turkey pardons.

Monday Lite: Late Night Jokes, Thanksgiving and TSA Cartoons - 22 Nov 2010

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day! 25 Nov 2009

5 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes, Photos

Geeky Girl Gone Wild: Happy Thanksgiving Dance!

Editorial Cartoons Roundup 28 Nov 2009

And a few serious posts:

A Man In Love - A true story of just how far a man will go to survive when he is in love during war time. A Thanksgiving holiday poem.

A Prayer of Wisdom From An Unknown Confederate Soldier

111 Insightful Life Quotes

How Does Gratitude Unlock the Fullness of Life?

Emeril's Brined Turkey

Thanksgiving Food:

Chef Emeril Cooks Holiday Menu: 7 Delicious Recipes - Cook your holiday feast with favorite chef Emeril Lagasse.

6 Easy Turkey Thanksgiving Recipes and Gravy, Roasting Tips and Advice

8 Cajun Thanksgiving Turkey Recipes, BBQ Turkey, Deep Fry Turkey, Roasting Tips

Chicago Chef Jimmy Bannos Cajun Thanksgiving Menu of 12 Recipes

Chef Paul Deen: Easy Holiday Cola-Basted Ham, Cranberry Sauce - Check out a simple recipe that is always a bit hit with family and friends during the holiday season.

Chef Lidia Bastianich: Easy Italian Christmas Cookie Recipes - Chef Lidia Bastianich shares Italian holiday cookies from her childhood.

Martha Stewart Thanksgiving Recipes: Pumpkin Bread Pudding, Pumpkin Donut Muffins - Martha Stewart shares a couple of her holiday recipes of what else you can make with that iconic autumnal food: pumpkin.

Chef Thomas Keller: Thanksgiving Brunch Recipes - Check out one of best chefs in America and a wonderful brunch menu for the holidays.

Easy Holiday Pasta From Chef Michael Chiarello - Check out some easy holiday ideas using pasta to make a spectacular and tasty meal sure to impress everyone - 3 recipes.

Fall Comfort Food NYC Chef Style: Braised Osso Buco, Risotto, Salad - Check out how to make Italian comfort food in an hour, all done in the oven - 3 recipes.

Pumpkin Risotto, Crispy Bread Soffritto, and Pumpkin Chile Recipes

Unusual Exotic Thanksgiving Menu, Poll on Turkey Vs. Sides Debate

*** Feathered Turkey Photo by eye of einstein @ flickr

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*** Check out Holiday Recipes From Dennys Food and Recipes

The Social Poets - news, politics
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Visual Insights - photos, art, music
Beautiful Illustrated Quotations - spiritual quotes, philosophy
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Poems From A Spiritual Heart - poetry
The Healing Waters - health news
Dennys People Watching - people in the news
Dennys Food and Recipes
Dennys Funny Quotes - humor

Genius

A genius is one who can do anything except make a living. - Joey Lauren Adams
A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see - and hits it. - Anonymous
A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters
A harmless hilarity and a buoyant cheerfulness are not infrequent concomitants of genius; and we are never more deceived than when we mistake gravity for greatness, solemnity for science, and pomposity for erudition. - Charles Caleb Colton
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. - E.F. Schumacker
Character is higher than intellect. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius. - George Bernard Shaw
Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire
Every man is a potential genius - until he does something. - Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree
Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead. - Robert S. Lynd
Every person of genius is considerably helped by being dead. - Robert S. Lun
Every true genius is bound to be naive. - J.C.F. von Schiller
Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. - Josh Billings
Genius is an African who dreams up snow. - Vladimir Nabokov
Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one. - E.B. White
Genius is nothing but a great aptitude for patience. - George-Louis de Buffon
Genius lasts longer than Beauty. That accounts for the fact that we all take such pains to over-educate ourselves. - Oscar Wilde
Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them. Disagree with them. Glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. - Apple Computer
His genius he was quite content in one brief sentence to define; Of inspiration one percent, of perspiration, ninety nine. - Thomas A. Edison
I am convinced all of humanity is born with more gifts than we know. Most are born geniuses and just get de-geniused rapidly. - Buckminster Fuller
I can't tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring. - James McNeill Whistler
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. - Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
I think the world is run by C students. - Al McGuire
I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. - John F. Kennedy, in an address to Nobel Prize winners
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
If the Aborigine drafted an I.Q. test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. - Stanley Garn
If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't. - Emerson M. Pugh
In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Self Reliance," Essays, 1841
Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. - Ambrose Bierce
Man becomes man only by his intelligence, but he is man only by his heart. - Henri Frederic Amiel
Men of genius are meteors destined to burn themselves out in lighting up their age. - Napoleon Bonaparte, Discours de Lyon, 1771
Passion holds up the bottom of the universe and genius paints up its roof. - Chao Chang
Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun. - George Scialabra
Primitive does not mean stupid. - Anonymous
Since when was genius found respectable? - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Some people take more care to hide their wisdom than their folly. - Jonathan Swift, Thoughts on Various Subjects, 1711
Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy between the genius and his human qualities that one has to ask oneself whether a little less talent might not have been better. - Carl Jung
Talent is that which is in a man's power; genius is that in whose power a man is. - James Russell Lowell, Literary Essays
The course of every intellectual, if he pursues his journey long and unflinchingly enough, ends in the obvious, from which the non-intellectuals have never stirred. - Aldous Huxley
The difference between intelligence and education is this: intelligence will make you a good living. - Charles F. Kettering
The invention of IQ does a great disservice to creativity in education. - Joel Hildebrand
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. - Oscar Wilde
The reluctance to put away childish things may be a requirement of genius. - Rebecca Pepper Sinkler
There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. - Don Herold
This is the nature of genius, to be able to grasp the knowable even when no one else recognizes that it is present. - Deepak Chopra
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. - Mark Twain
We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. - Louis Aragon
We should not only use the brains we have, but all that we can borrow. - President Woodrow Wilson
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. - Albert Einstein
What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult. - Sigmund Freud
When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. - Jonathan Swift

Advice

Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero
A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911
I always pass on good advice. It's the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband, 1895
Sometimes I give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it. - Mary Wortley Montagu
I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine. - Josh Billings
No one wants advice - only corroboration. - John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent
It is more easy to be wise for others than for ourselves. - François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves. - Anonymous
The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. - Anonymous
When we ask advice we are usually looking for an accomplice. - Charles Varlet de La Grange, Pensées, 1872
Old men are fond of giving good advice, to console themselves for being no longer in a position to give bad examples. - François La Rochefoucauld
The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice. - Anonymous
When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. - Henry Wheeler Shaw, a.k.a. Josh Billings
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong, How to Save Your Own Life, 1977

Children

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. - Walt Streightiff
Children are contemptuous, haughty, irritable, envious, sneaky, selfish, lazy, flighty, timid, liars and hypocrites, quick to laugh and cry, extreme in expressing joy and sorrow, especially about trifles, they'll do anything to avoid pain but they enjoy inflicting it: little men already. - Jean de La Bruyère, Les Caractères, 1688
The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old. - Joan Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957
If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe
There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. - Frank A. Clark
Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton
Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. - Robert Gallagher
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller
Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. - Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, 1969
Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are. Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are. Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun. - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Children find everything in nothing; men find nothing in everything. - Giacomo Leopardi, Zibaldone Scelto
Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben
There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 1945
A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. - Robert Brault
It is not easy to be crafty and winsome at the same time, and few accomplish it after the age of six. - John W. Gardner and Francesca Gardner Reese
What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman
While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. - Angela Schwindt
Little girls are cute and small only to adults. To one another they are not cute. They are life-sized. - Margaret Atwood
The prime purpose of being four is to enjoy being four - of secondary importance is to prepare for being five. - Jim Trelease, The Read-Aloud Handbook, 1985
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley
A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice - especially when she's taking a nap. - Anonymous
Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. - Anonymous (maybe Art Linkletter?)
There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Like fruit, children are sweetest just before they turn bad. - Dena Groquet
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw
Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it. - Not Your Average Dictionary
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. - Franklin P. Jones
In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. - Thomas Szasz
You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762
Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. - Rabindranath Tagore
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. - Fran Lebowitz
Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. - John W. Whitehead, The Stealing of America, 1983
Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford
A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer. - Anonymous
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley
A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Anonymous
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. - Franklin P. Jones
We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher

About Humor

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Anonymous
I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it. - Frank Howard Clark
I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor. - Edward Albee
Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman
Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten
Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. - Citor Borge
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all. - John Kenneth Galbraith
A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. - Hugh Sidey
A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. - Jessammyn West
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William A. Ward
Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end. - Sid Caesar
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - William James
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. - Mark Twain
Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. - Agnes Repplier
Humor is just another defense against the universe. - Mel Brooks
Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. - Irvin S. Cobb
Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. - Christopher Morley
Humor is reason gone mad. - Groucho Marx
A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself. - Clifton Paul Fadiman
A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. - Mignon McLaughlin
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. - Henry Ward Beecher
A joke is a very serious thing. - Winston Churchill

Birthday Quotes

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. - Tom Wilson
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. - Jennifer Yane
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. - Larry Lorenzoni
May you live to be a hundred years - With one extra year to repent.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball
Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. - Jean Paul Richter
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.
You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience.
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. - George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
Youth is a disease from which we all recover. - Dorothy Fulheim
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. - Branch Rickey
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. - Bob Hope
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. - Truman Capote
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. - Dan Bennett
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. - Charles Schulz
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. - Mark Twain
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. - Sam Ewing
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. - Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Birthdays are like girlfriends, they come and go-unless you enjoy them.
Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. - Chili Davis
To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.
You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
Looking fifty is great - if you’re sixty.
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.
Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.
Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.
About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.
Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

Relationships

Great men are rarely isolated mountain peaks; they are the summits of ranges. - Thomas W. Higginson
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. - Woody Allen
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Texas Guinan
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw
Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs. - Jeanne-Marie Roland
Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. - W. C. Fields
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. - Lenny Bruce
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. - Oscar Wilde
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use a words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid that area altogether. Trust me - Tim Allen
Cosmetics is a boon to every woman, but a girl's best friend is still a nearsighted man. - Yoko Ono
Twitter was invented by men. A woman would have chosen a higher character limit.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. - Bill Cosby
If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday. - Noel Coward
True love is like a pair of socks: you gotta have two and they've gotta match. – Groucho Marx
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. - Groucho Marx
Ugly visual: When you're up to your nose in sh*t, keep your mouth shut. - Anonymous
If it weren't for women, men would still be wearing last week's socks. - Cynthia Nelms
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. - Steven Wright
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. - Woody Allen
Love lasteth as long as the money endureth. - William Caxton
The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post. - George Bernard Shaw
Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it. - Jerome K. Jerome
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
Sometimes I lie awake at night, & I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than 1 night." - Anonymous
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? – (understandably) Anonymous
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. - Mae West (wink wink)
In life; it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out! - Joey Adams

Make You Wanna Wince: Dumbisms

If it weren't for the last minute, a lot of things wouldn't get done. - Michael S. Traylor
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. - Dan Quayle
The loss of life will be irreplaceable. - Dan Quayle
Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand. - Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst, a word smith he isn't
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – (understandably) Anonymous, probably from a stoned rocker after a concert
If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields
We are ready for an unforseen event that may or may not occur. - Dan Quayle, VP to Bush 41
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - Dan Quayle
We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover. - Parish Magazine
Please provide the date of your death. - from an IRS letter
I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them. – President George W. Bush (Bush 43)

Pet Quotes: Funny & Serious

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbet
I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward. - G. K. Chesterton
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. - Sigmund Freud
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Anne Landers
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain
A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker. - Buddha
I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine
A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. ~ Anonymous
The dog represents all that is best in man. ~ Etienne Charlet
Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Every boy should have two things: a dog, and a mother willing to let him have one. ~ Anonymous
And God took a handful of Southerly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse. ~ Bedouin Legend
The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp. ~ John Berry
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. ~ Samuel Butler
If I have any beliefs about immortality it is that certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very – very - few people. ~ James Thurber
The Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him. ~ Rudyard Kipling
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
The dog was created especially for children. He is the God of frolic. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
There is nothing in which the birds differ more from man than the way in which they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before. ~ Robert Lynd
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that! ~ Dave Barry
All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it. ~ Samuel Butler
A Horse! A Horse! My kingdom for a horse! ~ Shakespeare
A horse gallops with his lungs, perseveres with his heart and wins with his character. ~ Tesio
To err is human, to purr, feline. ~ Robert Byrne
To err is human, to forgive, canine. ~ Anonymous
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. ~ Sue Murphy
No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me. ~ Anonymous
A dog maybe a man's best friend but a horse made history... ~ Anonymous
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. ~ Ben Williams
I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contained. I stand and look at them long and long. ~ Walt Whitman
If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~ James Herriot
I love cats because I enjoy my home; and, little by little, they become its visible soul. ~ Jean Cocteau
A house is not a home without a pet. ~ Anonymous
In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat. ~ Warren Eckstein
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. ~ Ann Landers
Dogs have owners; cats have staff. ~ Anonymous
A canter is the cure for all evil. ~ Benjamin Disraeli on horses
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. ~ Joe Gores
Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. ~ Anatole France
A dog is the only thing on earth that will love you more than you love yourself. ~ Josh Billings
You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes! ~ Theophile Gautier
The purity of a person's heart can be quickly measured by how they regard animals. ~ Anonymous
We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals. ~ Immanual Kant
An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. ~ Martin Buber
If all the beasts were gone, men would die from a great loneliness of spirit, for whatever happens to the beasts also happens to the man. All things are connected. Whatever befalls the Earth befalls the sons of the Earth. ~ Chief Seattle of the Suquamish Tribe, letter to President Franklin Pierce
There is in all animals a sense of duty that man condescends to call instinct. ~ Robert Brault, robertbrault.com ~ Robert Brault
To insult someone we call him "bestial." For deliberate cruelty and nature, "human" might be the greater insult. ~ Isaac Asimov, Isaac Asimov's Book of Science and Nature Quotations, 1988
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. ~ Winston Churchill
I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me. ~ Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth, 1907
Be it human or animal, touch is a life-giving thing. Has anyone ever had a stroke or a heart attack while cozied up with a pet? I doubt it. ~ Robert Brault
I believe in animal rights, and high among them is the right to the gentle stroke of a human hand. ~ Robert Brault
Most pets display so many humanlike traits and emotions it's easy to forget they're not gifted with the English language and then get snubbed when we talk to them and they don't say anything back. ~ Stephenie Geist
Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet. ~ Colette
It often happens that a man is more humanely related to a cat or dog than to any human being. ~ Henry David Thoreau
Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills. ~ Voltaire, letter to Count Schomberg, 31 August 1769
The kind man feeds his beast before sitting down to dinner. ~ Hebrew Proverb
Lots of people talk to animals.... Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem. ~ Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh
Man is rated the highest animal, at least among all animals who returned the questionnaire. ~ Robert Brault
It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons. ~ Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. ~ Martin Buber
You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. ~ Nora Ephron
Animals are such agreeable friends. They ask no questions; they pass no criticisms. ~ George Eliot
Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! ~ Anne Tyler, The Accidental Tourist
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. - Fran Lebowitz
Cat Law of Selective Hearing "A cat can hear a mouse yawning a mile away, while filtering out the sound of a pleading human just six feet away. - Anonymous
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. ~ Anonymous
There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. ~ Wesley Bates
Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. - Joseph Wood Krutch
A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. ~ Hazel Nicholson
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. - Anonymous
You know your cat is getting old when she quits hunting in the back yard. Now she hunts at your dinner table.- Denny Lyon
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. ~ Edith Wharton
He doesn’t reckon his dog has human feelings, but he sure lets you know when you hurt his instincts. ~ Robert Brault
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog. - Ambrose Bierce
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~ Roger Caras
No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as a dog does. - Christopher Morley
If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. Harry S. Truman
A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by its own farts. - Frank Skinner
The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs. Jeanne-Marie Roland
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. Lenny Bruce
Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. - W. C. Fields

Political Humor

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Texas Guinan
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw
"If we were a dog food, they would take us off the shelf." - Rep. Thomas M. Davis III (R-Va.), in a memo to colleagues about the problem with the Republican brand
"Now he tells us that he's the one who's gonna take on the old boys network. The old boys network? In the McCain campaign that's called a staff meeting. Come on!" - Barack Obama, about John McCain
"If he's the answer, then the question must be ridiculous." - New York Gov. David Patterson, on John McCain at his speech at the Democratic National Convention 2008
"I've been sleeping like a baby. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry, sleep two hours, wake up and cry.'' - John McCain, talking to Jay Leno about his election loss
"So?" —Vice President Dick Cheney, responding to an ABC News correspondent who cited a poll showing that most Americans do not believe the Iraq War was worth fighting, March 19, 2008
"So what?" –President Bush, responding to a an ABC News correspondent who pointed out that Al Qaeda wasn't a threat in Iraq until after the U.S. invaded, Dec. 14, 2008
"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." –President George W. Bush, in parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008 (Oh, this is funny on so many levels...)
"I don't want to be invited to the family hunting party." - Barack Obama, on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins (2007)
"You can always tell when the Republicans are getting restless, because the Vice President's motorcade pulls into the Capitol, and Darth Vader emerges." – Hillary Clinton about VP Cheney in 2007
"Thanks for the question, you little jerk." -- John McCain, after being asked by a high school student if he was too old to be president. For good measure, McCain then threatened to draft him. (2007)
"I've been asked if that nickname bothers me, and the answer is, no. After all, Darth Vader is one of the nicer things I've been called recently." - Dick Cheney (2007 – this guy thrives on negative attention)
"A year ago, my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn, and my Vice President had shot someone. Ahhh, those were the good old days." – George W. Bush, at the 2007 Radio-TV Correspondents' dinner