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From Denny: For all the hard-working parents out there who could use a good laugh you will enjoy the various posts I've put together for this year's holiday. It's great fun what you can mine from all those funny emails your friends send you over the years. Whatever the original title of this was called has been lost in the mists of time. So I renamed it.
I call this little collection Parent Poetry...
What My Mother Taught Me About Life...
My Mother taught me about 'anticipation' - Just wait until your father gets home.
My Mother taught me to 'meet a challenge' - What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!
My Mother taught me 'logic' - If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.
My mother taught me about 'hypocrisy.' - If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!
My mother taught me the 'circle of Life.' - I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.
My mother taught me about 'behavior modification.' - Stop acting like your father!
Parent After Thoughts...
You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?
You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Yes," she replied. "But not the same ones.
Quotes From Those Precocious Kids and Harried Moms...
My friend Myron tells me, "Last year on Mother's Day the whole family got together for a big dinner and afterward, when Mom started to clean up, I said to her, "Don't bother with those dishes, Mom. Today is Mother's Day, you can always do them tomorrow."
There's not a lot of warmth between me and my mother. I asked her about it. I said "Mrs. Stoller..."
If it's five o'clock and the children are still alive, I've done my job. - Understandably Anonymous
I think I'd be a good mother. Maybe a little overprotective. Like I would never let the kid out - of my body.
An angry mother took her son to the doctor and asked, "Is a nine-year-old boy able to perform appendectomy?"
"Of course not," the doctor said impatiently.
The mother turned to her son and said, "What did I tell you? Now put it back."
The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose, and his mother's mouth. This leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression. -
A woman came to ask the doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children are enough for any woman."
When my mom got really mad, she would say, "Your butt is my meat." Not a particularly attractive phrase. And I always wondered, now, what wine goes with that?
My mom was a little weird. When I was little she would make chocolate frosting. And she'd let me lick the beaters. And then she'd turn them off.
The boy's mother had bought him two new ties. He hurried into his bedroom, immediately put on one of them, and hurried back. "Look, Mama! Isn't it gorgeous?" His mother said, "What's the matter? You don't like the other one?"
*** Make sure to pay a visit to The Mother Post for all the funny links from several other Mothers Day posts to enjoy:
Funny Mothers Day Quotes and Trivia - Cheeky Quote Day 28 Apr 2010
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