Monday, December 31, 2012

Beautiful Illustrated Quotations: New Years: Funny Quotes, Resolutions Tips, Poems

Beautiful Illustrated Quotations: New Years: Funny Quotes, Resolutions Tips, Poems: From Denny: Before you stay up all night to ring in the New Year, swill some good champagne and watch the fireworks on TV, catch a laugh here. I rounded up the best and funniest quotes about the New Year. Enjoy some New Year's poems too.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

A Christmas Post: True Christmas Story: Funny Christmas Conversations

Le Père Noël en chair et en barbe !

A Christmas Post: True Christmas Story: Funny Christmas Conversations: From Denny:  Think back. How much can you remember about the things your parents used to tell you about Santa? This Christmas Eve my husband and I started that conversation. Though we have been married many years there were still some things we did not know about each other.

We laughed about the incredible stories our parents told us on Christmas Eve. It was becoming a contest between whose parents were the most outrageous storytellers.

Do you remember the funny and downright lame excuses your parents used to give you when talking about Santa coming to visit on Christmas Eve? 3 videos.

Peace Christmas Star Round Ornament

Enjoy the profound Peace of the Christmas season!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Inspiration: Cool Dancing American Traffic Cop Shows Great Moves

From Denny:  Check out this fun-loving and fun retired cop that still directs traffic in Rhode Island.  Tony Lepore, age 65, aspired to be a performer but the opportunities were slim when he was young.

Yet, here he is, appreciated and enjoyed by millions all these years later.  Today he is involved with a troupe that travels, doing lots of shows.  Sometimes, you just never know how your life will turn out.

Kudos to Tony for some fabulous dance moves that intrigued the news staff, an inspiration to older Americans to get exercising and an all around positive attitude to keep you going - even through life's disappointments.  Enjoy Tony's holiday tradition he's been performing for over 20 years now.

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* * *  Support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @  -  see what's new!  Thanks for your support.  You rock!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Romancing The Chocolate: Prize Winner: Peppermint-Hot Chocolate Cake, Fudge Filling, Marshmallow Frosting

Photo provided by Southern LivingBritainy Shaw's Peppermint-Hot Cocoa Cake, right, is a runner-up in Southern Living's annual white cake contest. The Southern Living staff dressed Shaw's cake up by wrapping it in cookies. At left is the second-place cake.

Romancing The Chocolate: Prize Winner: Peppermint-Hot Chocolate Cake, Fudge Filling, Marshmallow Frosting: From Denny:  Love hot chocolate?  Thought of making it into a cake?  Britainy Shaw, 25, of Louisiana (before that she lived in Texas and before that in Montana) decided it was a brilliant idea.  She heard of Southern Living magazine's contest and decided to enter just for fun, taking third for this cake recipe.

She said her thoughts immediately went to her favorite Christmas flavors.  “For some reason, all I could think of were drinks.  I love hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps in it.”

Her cake consists of three layers of buttermilk chocolate cake that is filled with a fudge-mint filling, frosted with peppermint-tinged marshmallow crème frosting.

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Romancing The Chocolate: Holiday Cookie: Double-Shot Mocha

Romancing The Chocolate: Holiday Cookie: Double-Shot Mocha: From Denny:  OK, never write a cookie post right before lunch.  It all looks so good you want to rush into the kitchen and start baking! :)  This cookie recipe is basically a dense brownie with pools of melting chocolate oozing out when you break them open straight out of the hot oven!
There are two cups of chocolate chips and chocolate chunks in this awesome recipe, certainly more than I'm used to baking.  It's no wonder you can get your chocolate fix in one small cookie all at once.

If you have the discipline to wait until the cookie cools all those chocolate pools solidify into huge nuggets of gooey goodness.  No one ever said these little chocolate gems would last long in your house - or mine!

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Enjoy the profound Peace of the Christmas season!

Funny Quotes About Jobs to Keep You Laughing In This Economy

From Denny:  Everyone has jobs on their mind.  Everyone wants a better paying job, a long term job, a job with real health benefits and a pension.  Keep dreaming.  Someone has to stay positive in this economy.

If all that day dreaming doesn't work out for you how about laughing your way through the trying times?  These cute quotes will keep you smiling and stuffed full of happy thoughts - while you roll your eyes at yet one more blowhard self-important boss in a Boring Contest corporate meeting.

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Have a rockin' great Christmas, complete with dancing Christmas tree and singing reindeer!  Support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @  -  see what's new!  Thanks for your support.  You rock!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Funny Video: Happy Dachsund Plays Fetch With Machine

Dachsund (Photo credit: stirwise)
From Denny:  Check out this hilarious dachsund playing fetch with his own play machine in the hallway of his house.  He knows exactly how to place the ball into the machine and when to start running to catch the ball as the machine winds up to throw it.

At the end of the video enters the family's little baby, sitting in the hallway, having fun stuffing the machine with a ball.  Then the dog brings another ball to place in the machine.  He politely waits for the baby first.  When the dog starts running to catch the ball down the hall the baby starts laughing.  Definitely in the Too Cute category.

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Romancing The Chocolate: Christmas Gift Recipe: Peanut Butter Fudge

Romancing The Chocolate: Christmas Gift Recipe: Peanut Butter Fudge: From Denny:  This is an easy unique way to cook fudge - in a slow cooker!  What fun, a super simple fast recipe!  It has our name all over it and think how you can make up many batches of this to give as hostess gifts at Christmas parties or other seasonal gift giving.

It's also a kid friendly recipe it's so easy to do.  You cook the fudge on High in the slow cooker for about 20 minutes total and then pour it out into a pan lined with waxed paper.  Place in fridge to cool and harden.

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A Truth Journal: Warning: Danger Ahead If Proceed To Susan Rice Sec. of State Nomination

StopThePipelineRally7.RRITC.WDC.7October2011 (Photo credit: Elvert Barnes)
A Truth Journal: Warning: Danger Ahead If Proceed To Susan Rice Sec. of State Nomination: From Denny:  Sadly, Susan Rice is not winning friends on either side of the political aisle the past week.  The GOP has tried to hang the ambassador killing in Libya on her though it isn't sticking because she had nothing to do with it.

Now progressives are unhappy with her.  Why? Because of her strong ties to the $7 billion XL Pipeline project to deliver filthy oil tar sands clear across America to the Texas oil refineries.  That mega-project tunnels under a precious underground aquifer - the only fresh water source for up to half of the entire country.  

Turns out Amb. Rice owns a huge amount of stock in TransCanada Corp. - up to $600,000.  She also has millions of dollars of stock in other energy companies that invest in oil tar sands like Royal Dutch Shell and Suncor.

Then there are the investments in the Canadian banks that provide loans for these energy company projects.  Think someone has a vested interest in making her Sec. of State?

Why is this a big deal?

Read more - click on link: A Truth Journal: Warning: Danger Ahead If Proceed To Susan Rice Sec. of State Nomination:

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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A Truth Journal: Fiscal Follies: What Everyone Is Ignoring For The Cure

Corporate welfare corrupts democracy

A Truth Journal: Fiscal Follies: What Everyone Is Ignoring For The Cure: From Denny:  Here we go again with the Great Republican Distraction.  This time it's the smoke and mirrors about whacking away at Social Security and Medicare and now Obamacare.

Most especially Social Security had nothing to do with running up the precious deficit but to hear the Republicans tell it all "those 47 percent moochers" are running up the deficit with all these villainous entitlements which said moochers have paid into that fund part of their paychecks for years.  If Big Business and sloppy politicians had quit slipping their greedy hands into big accounts like Social Security over the past few decades none of us would be having this discussion.

Will the Democrats allow the lies to stand?  What will they do about this constant shell game from the opposition party?  Definitely it's time for a bold stand and bold thinking to get the job done.  After all, the business community is stressing and hand-wringing about driving over the fiscal cliff.  This from the same guys who refuse to pay taxes into the system but enjoy corporate welfare taking gobs of money out of the country's collective treasury.  Yes, in case you missed it - that is the imagery of really bad sex. :)

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Check out Diva Cat adorned with her Santa hat just in time for the season!

Monday, November 26, 2012

A Truth Journal: Embattled UN Amb. Susan Rice: Why Are GOP and Russians United Against Her?

A Truth Journal: Embattled UN Amb. Susan Rice: Why Are GOP and Russians United Against Her?:

From Denny:  Whoever thought the GOP and the Russians could ally together politically?  What an international scandal. :) Yes, the Republicans and the Russians both hate U.N. Amb. Susan Rice as the president's choice for replacing Sec. of State Hillary Clinton.  Hey, if the Russians don't want Rice then there is only one thing to do:  hire her immediately.

Whoever heard of the Russians weighing in on who America decides to put in as Sec. of State?  That is a serious red flag in my book.  It's unprecedented.  Of course, the fact Putin felt he had to "voice his wishes" signals Putin is afraid of a strong woman capable of outmaneuvering him.  Like I said, hire her immediately.  It's clear she is capable of pushing back hard against the dictators of the world - and wins.  It's wonderful she gives them all headaches.  Geaux, girl!

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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Truth Journal: Petraeus Scandal: Funny Colbert Weighs In Why America Is In Financial Ruin

A Truth Journal: Petraeus Scandal: Funny Colbert Weighs In Why America Is In Financial Ruin: From Denny:  Yeah, we all need a score card to keep up with the constantly unfolding Petraeus Affair of former CIA Director Gen. David Petraeus and his also married girlfriend, whom he has "known and mentored" for many years, Paula Broadwell.

Enter in the conniving loose cannon on deck, Jill Kelley, as former girlfriend to Petraeus and current girlfriend to Gen. John Allen, author of thousands of emails, and you have a real mess.  It makes you wonder if Central Command is full of generals and chippies playing musical beds.

Both Broadwell and Kelley were busy girls.  They were busy sleeping their way to the top of Central Command (CENTCOM) and possibly (strong probability) selling classified information.  There is some compelling reason all involved have hired criminal lawyers, the best in the country.  Of course, Petraeus is busy employing a public relations firm to rehab his name before the story ends.  Who else commissions a Pew Poll to find out how much the public now hates you?  Bizarre.

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Comfort Food From Louisiana: 8 Roast Turkey Recipes: Thanksgiving and Christmas

Photo provided by Campbell Soup Co.Create a memorable holiday menu with Roast Turkey With Mushroom Stuffing.

Comfort Food From Louisiana: 8 Roast Turkey Recipes: Thanksgiving and Christmas: From Denny:  Looking for an interesting recipe twist to the holiday dinner?  Want a modern version of a classic turkey recipe?  Whether it's Thanksgiving or Christmas good cooks everywhere like to try a new recipe for the holidays every now and then.

Now matter how much we love tradition there are those times when a new recipe is the hit of the season and the family says, "This one is a winner; make it for next year too!"  And that's how many food traditions start.

I'm one of those cooks that likes to compare a pack of recipes against each other to determine which I like best.  Sometimes, I'm just searching for a good tweak on what I'm already making for the feast.  Other years I'm just so bored making the same ol' thing I have to have a change somewhere in the menu.

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Tell the world how you really feel about coming back to work.  Proceeds go to helping homeless female military vets.  Check it out on the shopkeeper's bio at Denny Lyon Gifts.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Fav Funny Ad: GEICO Night Vision Goggle Antelopes


From Denny:  GEICO car insurance has the best ad guys.  This one is of two well-armed antelopes using their night vision goggles to spot Carl the Lion sneaking up on them.  They taunt and mock Carl as so not cool and suggest he go vegan.  See what Carl does...

If you live in America you've probably seen this ad.  But if you are an expat or live in Canada or Europe this is a great way to catch up on the latest funnies in the culture.  Big Hello! to military all over the world.  Enjoy!

Retro Halloween Cat iPhone 5 Case

Check out the beautiful envy of the neighborhood, a retro Halloween cat

Friday, November 16, 2012

A Truth Journal: CIA Petraeus Scandal: What New Lies Is He Telling About His Affair?

Top: Paula Broadwell with back to camera talks to Petraeus.

A Truth Journal: CIA Petraeus Scandal: What New Lies Is He Telling About His Affair?: From Denny:   Gen. David Petraeus has been found to have gamed the time line of his affair.  He claims the affair ended four months ago in the summer.  If that is true then why is he seen with Paula Broadwell at the premier status and very close knit intelligence community dinner of the OSS Society?

The only people invited to that event are former or current CIA directors, top level military and those with ties to the WWII era predecessor of the CIA, the Office of Strategic Services (OSS).

Paula Broadwell is not and never has been a top level military commander, has zero ties to WWII,  the French Resistance, the OSS or even the CIA - except for sleeping with the CIA Director Petraeus.  Oh wait, she is guilty of shameless social climbing, home wrecking, name dropping, getting kicked out of Harvard's doctoral program and gossiping in public speeches sensitive and classified information.  Yes, that.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

A Truth Journal: CIA Petraeus Affair: How Much Partying Is Going On With Jill Kelley At Pentagon Central Command?

Scott Kelley, Jill Kelley

A Truth Journal: CIA Petraeus Affair: How Much Partying Is Going On With Jill Kelley At Pentagon Central Command?: From Denny:  What the hell is going on at the Pentagon's Central Command and Special Operations Commands (CENTCOM) in Tampa, Florida?  Is this a collection of party hardy long-married generals acting like fools over much younger ambitious women seeking status, power and information?

Can you imagine Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff Martin Dempsey calling from Washington down to Florida and cussing out the top command after CIA Director Petraeus resigned so suddenly - and then Gen. Allen's email mess surfaced?  That had to be choice.  Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that blessing out.

At the center of the storm is Tampa socialite - and self-appointed diplomat or ambassador, take your pick - Jill Kelley, wife of a local surgeon.  Up until this week she was busy at Central Command "volunteering" to help military families.  Just what was she really "volunteering" at MacDill Air Force base anyway?

Funny Normal Is Boring iPhone 5 Case

Normal Is Boring... Step Aside

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

A Truth Journal: CIA Petraeus' Affair: What Questions Still Need Answering In Spite of BS Story Lines?

A Truth Journal: CIA Petraeus' Affair: What Questions Still Need Answering In Spite of BS Story Lines?: 

From Denny:  Any time we witness a fall from grace of a very public figure we all wince.  Maybe it's a case of TMI.  Maybe it's because our thoughts swiftly fly to the embarrassed wife and children in sympathetic support.  Maybe we have been betrayed in a similar fashion and don't enjoy the reminder.  Or just maybe we were the thoughtless wonders who did the hurting.

Whatever the case this is always a sad event.  When you add the intelligence community component it could too easily evolve into a national security disaster.  Move over, Wiki Leaks, the old-fashioned honeypot trap works in any century as an easy way to extract sensitive information.

Funny Normal Is Boring iPhone 5 Case

Normal Is Boring... Step Aside

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

A Truth Journal: Corrupt Billionaires Denied: Obama Gets 2nd Term Mandate, More Firsts Too

  Barack Obama Mitt Romney us electoral map

A Truth Journal: Corrupt Billionaires Denied: Obama Gets 2nd Term Mandate, More Firsts Too:

From Denny:  Kiss off, billionaire Koch Brothers - and park your XL Pipeline where the sun doesn't shine.  President Obama's back in town. And he has a lot of female company.  Even though this was primarily an election to protect the status quo, rejecting a societal return to the set of Mad Men, there were some "firsts."

There are five new female senators, completing a 20 group, the largest amount ever in the Senate. Senator-elect Elizabeth Warren is the first woman senator elected from the state of Massachusetts in its history.  Col. Tammy Duckworth, a disabled Iraq War vet, won her Illinois House seat after getting trashed by the Republicans as not patriotic enough.  She only lost both her legs in service to her country.  Wisconsin's Senator-elect Tammy Baldwin is the first openly gay woman elected too.

And the territory of Puerto Rico voted for the first time by 54 percent to decide to become America's 51st state.  It is a non-binding resolution which means Congress has to approve it.  Puerto Rico has done a lot of soul-searching for decades on this issue.  To date, as a territory, they are not allowed to vote - yet are American citizens.  How will their vote, if granted, change the political process?  Can you imagine just how much the Republicans will fight to stop that possibility?  It's their worst nightmare.

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Monday, November 5, 2012

A Truth Journal: Will Your Kids' Mock Election Votes Influence Your Vote?

From Denny:   As a way to teach students the election process mock elections occurred across the country last week.  Right here in Louisiana, involving 88,600 students across the state from 280 public, private and home schooling, they voted President Obama into a second term.  Louisiana broke for Obama by a margin of 51.29 percent to Romney's 48.71 percent.

From Angie Franklin, the gifted program teacher at Peabody Montessori in Alexandria, Louisiana,  "Our objective was to make sure the kids here in the school knew what the election process was.  And why it's so important, every four years, to vote."

- - - To read more click on the title link - - -

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Please support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @

Louie Name Round Ornament

Funny Louie deserves his own Christmas ornament to show him how special he is!  - check out more pet name designs!

Please support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dennys World of Quotes: 73 Funny Halloween Quotes and Famous Poems

Dennys World of Quotes: 73 Funny Halloween Quotes and Famous Poems: From Denny:  Everyone have a fun Halloween night!  Attended our local symphony this week (awesome performance of complex Russian music) and didn't you know there was a middle-aged woman with the fun Halloween spirit.  (The kids in attendance sure enjoyed it.) She did her makeup like a zombie and quickly woke up the old guys snoring in the back row.  There is nothing more enjoyable than the unexpected just when you thought something would be oh, too predictable. :)

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* * *  Support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @  -   - see what's new! 

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

A Truth Journal: 2012 Presidential Debate Jokes, 18 Funny Photos, 3 Videos

A Truth Journal: 2012 Presidential Debate Jokes, 18 Funny Photos, 3 Videos: From Denny:  "Can you hear me now?"  Watch the Romney campaign in slow motion implode just in time to lose the election. (Oh, thank you, there is a God.)  Stupid on Steroids GOP Senate candidates keep talking about rape in ways to legitimize it.  The constant GOP rape talk does start you wondering if all of these men were actually once guilty of rape. Are these politicians trying to find ways to rationalize rape as no big deal to absolve them of their nagging conscience?

Colbert wipes the floor with these fools in clip after clip after he lists idiot comment after idiot comment in one long GOP brain diarrhea stream:  Team Rape.  There really should be an intelligence test - and a sanity test - for any one desiring to run for office.  We know who could not pass it.

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* * *  Please support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @ 

Thursday, October 25, 2012

A Truth Journal: 3rd Prez Debate, Jon Stewart Video: Choose Caretaker Big Biz Status Quo or Middle Class Destroyer?

President Barack Obama and Vice President Jose...
President Barack Obama and
Vice President Joseph R. Biden, Jr.
(Photo credit: 

A Truth Journal: 3rd Prez Debate, Jon Stewart Video: Choose Caretaker Big Biz Status Quo or Middle Class Destroyer?: From Denny:  This year voters don't see much choice to improve their lives for the next four year term.  President Obama subscribes to the philosophy of The Minimum Acceptable, a caretaker of the political status quo and hand-holding a petulant Big Business.

Gov. Romney is viewed as the guy who will finish off what's left of the middle class, taking away Social Security and getting rid of what affordable health care exists from Obama's minimal and very expensive legislation.  And, oh, yeah, Romney and his conservatives don't "believe" in the minimum wage; in fact, they want to completely abolish it.

Neither candidate is telling the voter what to expect the next four years on the economy, foreign policy, health care, equal pay in the private sector for women.  Romney thinks women live in binders like some abstract thought.  (That's the polite version.) Obama passed the Lilly Ledbetter Act to help women in the public sector but stopped short for helping women in the private sector.  It's that stopping short Obama is so famous for doing that ticks off the voters, especially the undecided.

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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A Truth Journal: Laugh: Jon Stewart Tells It Like It Is About VP Debate

Host Jon Stewart in the studio of The Daily Sh...

A Truth Journal: Laugh: Jon Stewart Tells It Like It Is About VP Debate: From Denny:  Junkyard dog VP Joe Biden smacked down his snarky Republican opponent, Paul Ryan, in the first few nano seconds of the debate.

Then Biden picked up the dazed talking parrot and slammed him against the barn door for lying every time he opened his mouth with phony statistics and fantasy GOP sponsored "studies."  Debate done; Biden won hands down.  We were all cheering at our house as this was the best TV we had seen in years.

Just check out all the funny news clips Jon Stewart collected from the sore loser side, the Republicans.  These three video clips are hilarious; the truth revealed in fast time.  The best is how Stewart took my fellow journalists to task for some really childish reporting, something I've fussed about for years.

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Please support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @  -  see what's new!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

A Truth Journal: 2012 VP Debate: Who Will Secure The Womens Vote?

Joe Biden und Barack Obama in Springfield, Ill...
Joe Biden und Barack Obama in Springfield, Illinois, right after Biden was formerly introduced by Obama as his running mate (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
A Truth Journal: 2012 VP Debate: Who Will Secure The Womens Vote?: From Denny:  After President Obama's passionless performance in the first presidential debate, the pressure has mounted in the Democrats' camp for Vice President Biden to recover serious losses, especially among women voters.  That's right; Obama went into the debate with a 14-point lead with women over Romney.  After the debate?  Obama lost that entire lead and is barely holding on in a dead heat.

Can VP Biden make up the difference tonight?  Democrats are hoping that is the case.  Joe Biden is as known for his passion as he is for his occasional gaffes of ill-chosen words to speak the truth.  My money is on Biden to make a great showing in tonight's debate in spite of Paul Ryan's aggressive attacks and attempts at feigned deference - and hollow courtesy like Romney pulled on Obama.

Paul Ryan is being touted by the Republican camp and their media enablers as a virile handsome challenger to Biden.  The Republicans are posting photos of Ryan pumping iron and planting stories in the media of how handsome women find him.  Well, that's not the opinion at this house where I am perfectly capable of doing my own thinking, thank you very much.  I do not need to be spoon fed how to think by the clueless manipulative Republicans.

The truth is that Ryan looks goofy and wimpy.  He is known for the reputation of The Agreeable Brown Noser.  Goofy and Brown Noser are not exactly the qualities voters want to see in a possible presidential candidate, even if he is a VP pick.  Why else would the Republicans feel so compelled to create a different persona for him?  "Do ya think?" it has anything to do as well with the fact that Ryan has declared his own War On Women to render us back to slave status if he could pass his idiot legislation?

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Moderately Confused


  • A genius is one who can do anything except make a living. - Joey Lauren Adams
  • A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see - and hits it. - Anonymous
  • A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters
  • A harmless hilarity and a buoyant cheerfulness are not infrequent concomitants of genius; and we are never more deceived than when we mistake gravity for greatness, solemnity for science, and pomposity for erudition. - Charles Caleb Colton
  • Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. - E.F. Schumacker
  • Character is higher than intellect. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire
  • Every man is a potential genius - until he does something. - Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree
  • Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead. - Robert S. Lynd
  • Every person of genius is considerably helped by being dead. - Robert S. Lun
  • Every true genius is bound to be naive. - J.C.F. von Schiller
  • Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
  • Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. - Josh Billings
  • Genius is an African who dreams up snow. - Vladimir Nabokov
  • Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one. - E.B. White
  • Genius is nothing but a great aptitude for patience. - George-Louis de Buffon
  • Genius lasts longer than Beauty. That accounts for the fact that we all take such pains to over-educate ourselves. - Oscar Wilde
  • Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them. Disagree with them. Glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. - Apple Computer
  • His genius he was quite content in one brief sentence to define; Of inspiration one percent, of perspiration, ninety nine. - Thomas A. Edison
  • I am convinced all of humanity is born with more gifts than we know. Most are born geniuses and just get de-geniused rapidly. - Buckminster Fuller
  • I can't tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring. - James McNeill Whistler
  • I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. - Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
  • I think the world is run by C students. - Al McGuire
  • I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. - John F. Kennedy, in an address to Nobel Prize winners
  • I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
  • If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • If the Aborigine drafted an I.Q. test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. - Stanley Garn
  • If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't. - Emerson M. Pugh
  • In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Self Reliance," Essays, 1841
  • Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. - Ambrose Bierce
  • Man becomes man only by his intelligence, but he is man only by his heart. - Henri Frederic Amiel
  • Men of genius are meteors destined to burn themselves out in lighting up their age. - Napoleon Bonaparte, Discours de Lyon, 1771
  • Passion holds up the bottom of the universe and genius paints up its roof. - Chao Chang
  • Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun. - George Scialabra
  • Primitive does not mean stupid. - Anonymous
  • Since when was genius found respectable? - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  • Some people take more care to hide their wisdom than their folly. - Jonathan Swift, Thoughts on Various Subjects, 1711
  • Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy between the genius and his human qualities that one has to ask oneself whether a little less talent might not have been better. - Carl Jung
  • Talent is that which is in a man's power; genius is that in whose power a man is. - James Russell Lowell, Literary Essays
  • The course of every intellectual, if he pursues his journey long and unflinchingly enough, ends in the obvious, from which the non-intellectuals have never stirred. - Aldous Huxley
  • The difference between intelligence and education is this: intelligence will make you a good living. - Charles F. Kettering
  • The invention of IQ does a great disservice to creativity in education. - Joel Hildebrand
  • The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. - Oscar Wilde
  • The reluctance to put away childish things may be a requirement of genius. - Rebecca Pepper Sinkler
  • There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. - Don Herold
  • This is the nature of genius, to be able to grasp the knowable even when no one else recognizes that it is present. - Deepak Chopra
  • Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. - Mark Twain
  • We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. - Louis Aragon
  • We should not only use the brains we have, but all that we can borrow. - President Woodrow Wilson
  • We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. - Albert Einstein
  • What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult. - Sigmund Freud
  • When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. - Jonathan Swift


  • Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero
  • A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911
  • I always pass on good advice. It's the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband, 1895
  • Sometimes I give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it. - Mary Wortley Montagu
  • I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine. - Josh Billings
  • No one wants advice - only corroboration. - John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent
  • It is more easy to be wise for others than for ourselves. - François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
  • We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves. - Anonymous
  • The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. - Anonymous
  • When we ask advice we are usually looking for an accomplice. - Charles Varlet de La Grange, Pensées, 1872
  • Old men are fond of giving good advice, to console themselves for being no longer in a position to give bad examples. - François La Rochefoucauld
  • The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice. - Anonymous
  • When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. - Henry Wheeler Shaw, a.k.a. Josh Billings
  • Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson
  • Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong, How to Save Your Own Life, 1977


  • There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. - Walt Streightiff
  • Children are contemptuous, haughty, irritable, envious, sneaky, selfish, lazy, flighty, timid, liars and hypocrites, quick to laugh and cry, extreme in expressing joy and sorrow, especially about trifles, they'll do anything to avoid pain but they enjoy inflicting it: little men already. - Jean de La Bruyère, Les Caractères, 1688
  • The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old. - Joan Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957
  • If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe
  • There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. - Frank A. Clark
  • Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton
  • Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. - Robert Gallagher
  • Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller
  • Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. - Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, 1969
  • Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are. Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are. Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun. - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
  • Children find everything in nothing; men find nothing in everything. - Giacomo Leopardi, Zibaldone Scelto
  • Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben
  • There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 1945
  • A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. - Robert Brault
  • It is not easy to be crafty and winsome at the same time, and few accomplish it after the age of six. - John W. Gardner and Francesca Gardner Reese
  • What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman
  • While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. - Angela Schwindt
  • Little girls are cute and small only to adults. To one another they are not cute. They are life-sized. - Margaret Atwood
  • The prime purpose of being four is to enjoy being four - of secondary importance is to prepare for being five. - Jim Trelease, The Read-Aloud Handbook, 1985
  • In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley
  • A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice - especially when she's taking a nap. - Anonymous
  • Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. - Anonymous (maybe Art Linkletter?)
  • There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Like fruit, children are sweetest just before they turn bad. - Dena Groquet
  • Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it. - Not Your Average Dictionary
  • Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. - Franklin P. Jones
  • In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. - Thomas Szasz
  • You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762
  • Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. - Rabindranath Tagore
  • Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. - Fran Lebowitz
  • Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. - John W. Whitehead, The Stealing of America, 1983
  • Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford
  • A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer. - Anonymous
  • Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
  • We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley
  • A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Anonymous
  • You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. - Franklin P. Jones
  • We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher

About Humor

  • The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Anonymous
  • I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it. - Frank Howard Clark
  • I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor. - Edward Albee
  • Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman
  • Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten
  • Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. - Citor Borge
  • Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all. - John Kenneth Galbraith
  • A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. - Hugh Sidey
  • A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. - Jessammyn West
  • A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William A. Ward
  • Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end. - Sid Caesar
  • Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - William James
  • Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. - Mark Twain
  • Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. - Agnes Repplier
  • Humor is just another defense against the universe. - Mel Brooks
  • Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. - Irvin S. Cobb
  • Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. - Christopher Morley
  • Humor is reason gone mad. - Groucho Marx
  • A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself. - Clifton Paul Fadiman
  • A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. - Mignon McLaughlin
  • A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. - Henry Ward Beecher
  • A joke is a very serious thing. - Winston Churchill

Birthday Quotes

  • Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. - Tom Wilson
  • Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. - Jennifer Yane
  • Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. - Larry Lorenzoni
  • May you live to be a hundred years - With one extra year to repent.
  • The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball
  • Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. - Jean Paul Richter
  • A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost
  • I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.
  • You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience.
  • I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. - George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
  • Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
  • Youth is a disease from which we all recover. - Dorothy Fulheim
  • First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. - Branch Rickey
  • Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. - Bob Hope
  • Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. - Truman Capote
  • Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. - Dan Bennett
  • Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. - Charles Schulz
  • They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.
  • When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. - Mark Twain
  • The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
  • Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. - Sam Ewing
  • Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. - Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
  • We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
  • A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.
  • There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
  • Birthdays are like girlfriends, they come and go-unless you enjoy them.
  • Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. - Chili Davis
  • To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.
  • You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
  • If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
  • Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
  • Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
  • Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
  • The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
  • Looking fifty is great - if you’re sixty.
  • I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
  • If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
  • After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
  • Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
  • Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
  • It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister.
  • When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
  • Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.
  • When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.
  • Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.
  • Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.
  • About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.
  • Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.


  • Great men are rarely isolated mountain peaks; they are the summits of ranges. - Thomas W. Higginson
  • I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. - Woody Allen
  • In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
  • A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Texas Guinan
  • He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland
  • If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
  • Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
  • The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs. - Jeanne-Marie Roland
  • Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. - W. C. Fields
  • When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler
  • Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. - Lenny Bruce
  • Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. - Oscar Wilde
  • Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use a words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid that area altogether. Trust me - Tim Allen
  • Cosmetics is a boon to every woman, but a girl's best friend is still a nearsighted man. - Yoko Ono
  • Twitter was invented by men. A woman would have chosen a higher character limit.
  • I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. - Bill Cosby
  • If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday. - Noel Coward
  • True love is like a pair of socks: you gotta have two and they've gotta match. – Groucho Marx
  • I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. - Groucho Marx
  • Ugly visual: When you're up to your nose in sh*t, keep your mouth shut. - Anonymous
  • If it weren't for women, men would still be wearing last week's socks. - Cynthia Nelms
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. - Steven Wright
  • I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. - Woody Allen
  • Love lasteth as long as the money endureth. - William Caxton
  • The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it. - Jerome K. Jerome
  • True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
  • Sometimes I lie awake at night, & I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than 1 night." - Anonymous
  • "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? – (understandably) Anonymous
  • I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
  • Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. - Mae West (wink wink)
  • In life; it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out! - Joey Adams

Make You Wanna Wince: Dumbisms

  • If it weren't for the last minute, a lot of things wouldn't get done. - Michael S. Traylor
  • I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. - Dan Quayle
  • The loss of life will be irreplaceable. - Dan Quayle
  • Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand. - Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst, a word smith he isn't
  • A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – (understandably) Anonymous, probably from a stoned rocker after a concert
  • If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields
  • We are ready for an unforseen event that may or may not occur. - Dan Quayle, VP to Bush 41
  • If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - Dan Quayle
  • We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover. - Parish Magazine
  • Please provide the date of your death. - from an IRS letter
  • I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them. – President George W. Bush (Bush 43)

Pet Quotes: Funny & Serious

  • When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbet
  • I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward. - G. K. Chesterton
  • Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. - Sigmund Freud
  • Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras
  • Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Anne Landers
  • If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
  • Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain
  • A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker. - Buddha
  • I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine
  • A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. ~ Anonymous
  • The dog represents all that is best in man. ~ Etienne Charlet
  • Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky
  • Every boy should have two things: a dog, and a mother willing to let him have one. ~ Anonymous
  • And God took a handful of Southerly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse. ~ Bedouin Legend
  • The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp. ~ John Berry
  • A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. ~ Samuel Butler
  • If I have any beliefs about immortality it is that certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very – very - few people. ~ James Thurber
  • The Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him. ~ Rudyard Kipling
  • The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
  • The dog was created especially for children. He is the God of frolic. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
  • There is nothing in which the birds differ more from man than the way in which they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before. ~ Robert Lynd
  • You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that! ~ Dave Barry
  • All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it. ~ Samuel Butler
  • A Horse! A Horse! My kingdom for a horse! ~ Shakespeare
  • A horse gallops with his lungs, perseveres with his heart and wins with his character. ~ Tesio
  • To err is human, to purr, feline. ~ Robert Byrne
  • To err is human, to forgive, canine. ~ Anonymous
  • Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. ~ Sue Murphy
  • No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me. ~ Anonymous
  • A dog maybe a man's best friend but a horse made history... ~ Anonymous
  • There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. ~ Ben Williams
  • I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contained. I stand and look at them long and long. ~ Walt Whitman
  • If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~ James Herriot
  • I love cats because I enjoy my home; and, little by little, they become its visible soul. ~ Jean Cocteau
  • A house is not a home without a pet. ~ Anonymous
  • In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat. ~ Warren Eckstein
  • Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. ~ Ann Landers
  • Dogs have owners; cats have staff. ~ Anonymous
  • A canter is the cure for all evil. ~ Benjamin Disraeli on horses
  • Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. ~ Joe Gores
  • Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. ~ Anatole France
  • A dog is the only thing on earth that will love you more than you love yourself. ~ Josh Billings
  • You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
  • Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes! ~ Theophile Gautier
  • The purity of a person's heart can be quickly measured by how they regard animals. ~ Anonymous
  • We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals. ~ Immanual Kant
  • An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. ~ Martin Buber
  • If all the beasts were gone, men would die from a great loneliness of spirit, for whatever happens to the beasts also happens to the man. All things are connected. Whatever befalls the Earth befalls the sons of the Earth. ~ Chief Seattle of the Suquamish Tribe, letter to President Franklin Pierce
  • There is in all animals a sense of duty that man condescends to call instinct. ~ Robert Brault, ~ Robert Brault
  • To insult someone we call him "bestial." For deliberate cruelty and nature, "human" might be the greater insult. ~ Isaac Asimov, Isaac Asimov's Book of Science and Nature Quotations, 1988
  • I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. ~ Winston Churchill
  • I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me. ~ Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth, 1907
  • Be it human or animal, touch is a life-giving thing. Has anyone ever had a stroke or a heart attack while cozied up with a pet? I doubt it. ~ Robert Brault
  • I believe in animal rights, and high among them is the right to the gentle stroke of a human hand. ~ Robert Brault
  • Most pets display so many humanlike traits and emotions it's easy to forget they're not gifted with the English language and then get snubbed when we talk to them and they don't say anything back. ~ Stephenie Geist
  • Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet. ~ Colette
  • It often happens that a man is more humanely related to a cat or dog than to any human being. ~ Henry David Thoreau
  • Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills. ~ Voltaire, letter to Count Schomberg, 31 August 1769
  • The kind man feeds his beast before sitting down to dinner. ~ Hebrew Proverb
  • Lots of people talk to animals.... Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem. ~ Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh
  • Man is rated the highest animal, at least among all animals who returned the questionnaire. ~ Robert Brault
  • It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons. ~ Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
  • An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. ~ Martin Buber
  • You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. ~ Nora Ephron
  • Animals are such agreeable friends. They ask no questions; they pass no criticisms. ~ George Eliot
  • Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! ~ Anne Tyler, The Accidental Tourist
  • No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. - Fran Lebowitz
  • Cat Law of Selective Hearing "A cat can hear a mouse yawning a mile away, while filtering out the sound of a pleading human just six feet away. - Anonymous
  • Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. ~ Anonymous
  • There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. ~ Wesley Bates
  • Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. - Joseph Wood Krutch
  • A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. ~ Hazel Nicholson
  • There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. - Anonymous
  • You know your cat is getting old when she quits hunting in the back yard. Now she hunts at your dinner table.- Denny Lyon
  • Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
  • My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. ~ Edith Wharton
  • He doesn’t reckon his dog has human feelings, but he sure lets you know when you hurt his instincts. ~ Robert Brault
  • The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog. - Ambrose Bierce
  • Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~ Roger Caras
  • No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as a dog does. - Christopher Morley
  • If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. Harry S. Truman
  • A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by its own farts. - Frank Skinner
  • The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs. Jeanne-Marie Roland
  • Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. Lenny Bruce
  • Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. - W. C. Fields

Political Humor

  • A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Texas Guinan
  • He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw
  • "If we were a dog food, they would take us off the shelf." - Rep. Thomas M. Davis III (R-Va.), in a memo to colleagues about the problem with the Republican brand
  • "Now he tells us that he's the one who's gonna take on the old boys network. The old boys network? In the McCain campaign that's called a staff meeting. Come on!" - Barack Obama, about John McCain
  • "If he's the answer, then the question must be ridiculous." - New York Gov. David Patterson, on John McCain at his speech at the Democratic National Convention 2008
  • "I've been sleeping like a baby. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry, sleep two hours, wake up and cry.'' - John McCain, talking to Jay Leno about his election loss
  • "So?" —Vice President Dick Cheney, responding to an ABC News correspondent who cited a poll showing that most Americans do not believe the Iraq War was worth fighting, March 19, 2008
  • "So what?" –President Bush, responding to a an ABC News correspondent who pointed out that Al Qaeda wasn't a threat in Iraq until after the U.S. invaded, Dec. 14, 2008
  • "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." –President George W. Bush, in parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008 (Oh, this is funny on so many levels...)
  • "I don't want to be invited to the family hunting party." - Barack Obama, on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins (2007)
  • "You can always tell when the Republicans are getting restless, because the Vice President's motorcade pulls into the Capitol, and Darth Vader emerges." – Hillary Clinton about VP Cheney in 2007
  • "Thanks for the question, you little jerk." -- John McCain, after being asked by a high school student if he was too old to be president. For good measure, McCain then threatened to draft him. (2007)
  • "I've been asked if that nickname bothers me, and the answer is, no. After all, Darth Vader is one of the nicer things I've been called recently." - Dick Cheney (2007 – this guy thrives on negative attention)
  • "A year ago, my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn, and my Vice President had shot someone. Ahhh, those were the good old days." – George W. Bush, at the 2007 Radio-TV Correspondents' dinner

Holiday: Mother's Day

  • Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills: Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno, comedian, TV host
  • Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns, American vaudeville and TV comedian