|Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr|
From Denny: Like any responsible journalist I was waiting to make sure the end of the world did not arrive so I could report on it. Now that the end of the world has been rescheduled by an 89-year-old senile pastor until 21 October 2011 all news personnel are free to make mock - at least until the next end date shows its ugly face.
Meanwhile, said pastor is frantically busy "dialing for dollars" to increase his retirement fund to gorgeous proportions. He already collected $70 million. I am definitely in the wrong racket... :)
Enjoy the comedy banter. After all, if we are all scheduled to disappear into the abyss we might as well go laughing! I lean toward the Happy Fatalist Philosophy in a 2012 election year...
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Translated from "I am so outta here!" to Cajun Louisiana slang: "I am a Gone Pecan!" In your best French accent: Gawn Pee-cawn. What sea life better to represent "Gone Pecan"
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Late Nite Jokes:
From Jimmy Kimmel:
The world was supposed to end last Saturday but at the last minute, it was picked up for another season.
Some people sold all they're possessions to prepare for Judgment Day. They're idiots. If the world does end, what are you going to do with your money? Walmart is closed.
Harold Camping has shifted his prediction of the apocalypse from May 21 to October 21, which is great because now I don't have to buy a Halloween costume.
Apparently the Rapture is being produced by the same people that produced 'Spider-Man the Musical.'
The world is ending on Saturday. It would really, really suck if we only get to live three weeks longer than bin laden.
The world is ending on Saturday. We will be judged by Randy and J-Lo, and then I guess we go to Hell. It would really, really suck if we only got to live 3 weeks longer than bin Laden. And speaking of the end of the world, there are only 4 Oprah shows left.
From Conan O'Brien:
The preacher who predicted the apocalypse last weekend now predicts that the world will end in October. It's the first time that someone's end-of-the-world prediction was followed by 'Have a great summer.'
The pastor who incorrectly predicted the Rapture said it was a very tough weekend. To make it worse, his friends keep calling him saying, "Hey, it's not the end of the world!
The good news is, the apocalypse did not happen. The bad news is, we thought it would so we don't have much of a plan for the show.
From David Letterman:
Harold Camping, who predicted the end of the world, says the new date for the apocalypse is October 21. If it rains, it will be October 22.
David Letterman's "Top Ten Harold Camping Excuses" (For the Rapture Not Happening)
10. "Rapture got rained out"
9. "Forgot to carry the 1"
8. "Dates got screwed up because of the Jewish holidays"
6. "Hold on, God's texting me . . . Yeah, it's been postponed"
5. "Don't blame me! I voted for Kucinich"
4. "To prevent bear attack, be sure to suspend all food and trash in a tree. I'm sorry, that's from ‘Top Ten Wilderness Camping Tips’"
3. "At 89, I can't remember how to operate the toaster"
2. "Didn't everybody's world end when ‘Oprah’ was canceled?"
1. "I'm crazy"
From Jay Leno:
Harold Camping has now changed his prediction of the Rapture to October 21. Does Jesus work for the cable company now? "I'll be there sometime between May and October, between 9 and 5.
The Rapture-predicting preacher, Harold Camping, is really scaling back his predictions. He now predicts the end of the month will be May 31.
A lot of people are very nervous about this whole Rapture thing, though a lot of people didn't understand it. For instance, Sarah Palin said, 'The raptures were the scariest part of 'Jurassic Park.'
"How about this whole world-coming-to-an-end thing? Look, I love Oprah too, but it was just a TV show!" –Jay Leno
From Bill Maher:
A Christian minister has crunched the numbers, looked at the 8 Ball, and in two hours, the Rapture begins. That's when the really devout, extra-sure-of-themselves fundamentalist Christians will just disappear — or as I call it, a win-win.
From Craig Ferguson:
May 21st is supposed to be Judgment Day. We should send a robot Arnold Schwarzenegger back in time to fix things. Though I suspect if he could go back in time he might fix some other things.
The man that is predicting judgment day predicted the end of the world in 1994. He also predicted that Ashton Kutcher would never return to television.
Wednesday May 18, 2011
Daily Show: Debt to America and End of the World
An 89-year-old radio host warns of God's judgment day, and the U.S. government hits the debt ceiling.
You know it's the end of the world when your dog has achieved highest life form...
Now here are some laughs on this video clip of shorts - like Newt Gingrich wearing a tiara, courtesy of David Letterman's photoshop addiction. Watch former president George Bush practically get hit in the face at a baseball game and it sure looked like he was cussing at the baseball player while Laura Bush laughed.
Lady Gaga practically shut down the Amazon site because she was offering a one day price of 99 cents for her new album. Oh, and since the date of 21 May 2011 was supposed to be the end of the world, well, the same guy is now telling us the end of the world is scheduled to come on 21 Oct 2011 - just so he can go "dialing for dollars" a few months more to pad his retirement fund:
Check out this actual news report the day after The Rapture was supposed to happen:
OK, we've had our fun mocking the outrageous reality news, back to living - and paying the bills... :)
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