Sunday, May 30, 2010

Posts Roundup at Dennys Blogs - 30 May 2010

*** Check out what's happening at all 14 of Denny's blogs: news, politics, political cartoons, poetry, great recipes, science and health news, photography, humor and spiritual thoughts from great quotes.



Cup of coffee from Brazil by il Quoquo @ flickr




The Social Poets:

Obama Cowers to BP: Rejects Super Tankers for Gulf Clean Up

Whats Happening in America This Week: BP Oil Spill Cartoons - 29 May 2010

Peace Upon The Land poem – Libations Friday 28 May 2010

Check It Out: Rolling Stones Mag Names 5 Best Songs Ever

BP Oil Spill: White House Updated News - 24 May 2010

Transcript of White House Press Briefing on 24 May 2010

Roundup of Late Night Funnies and Funny Videos - 24 May 2010

Funny Video: Outgoing British Leaders Walk of Shame After Election

Funny Video: Colbert Mocks Glenn Beck for Comparing Himself to God and MLK


Funny Video: Jon Stewart Sees BP Fixing Oil Spill with Stupid Anagrams

Posts Roundup at Dennys Blogs - 23 May 2010




Dennys Global Politics:


American and World Politics Cartoons - 29 May 2010


Child Porn Social Site Busted - News Headlines 27 May 2010

Use NASA 4 Oil Spill Help, Corrupt MMS, Lightning Rod Rahm Emanuel - News Headlines 26 May 2010




Beautiful Illustrated Quotations:


What Is Your Quality of Listening to Truly Benefit From the Hearing?





Photo by Helen Maria Bjornsd/Nordic Photos/Getty Images


The Soul Calendar:


Passionate Volcano Chasers: Photographing Eruptions Around the World

Why Black Holes Burst With Light When Galaxies Merge




The Healing Waters:





*** Photo by asobitsuchiya @ flickr



Heart Health: Beware of Sugar Pirates in Your Diet

Coming Soon: Get an Orgasm Boost with Female Viagra




Humor blogs:


Tea Party and Rand Paul Cartoons - 29 May 2010

Funny Facebook Cartoons - 29 May 2010




Romancing The Chocolate:






Cream Cheese n Sour Cherry Filling 4 Chocolate Cupcakes

Chocolate Cream Cake with Chocolate Frosting

Battle Belly Fat: Fudgy Dark Chocolate Brownies, Chocolate French Toast

Simple Summer: 2 Super Easy Spaghetti Sauces



Comfort Food From Louisiana:


Seafood Recipes: Crawfish Casserole, Crawfish Corn Bread, Crawfish Tortellini

Easy Recipes: 4 Versions of Crawfish Pie



Unusual 2 Tasty:

Battle Belly Fat: Pan-Seared Shrimp Tacos, Crunchy Crust "Mac n Cheese,” Oven Fries

Spicy Shrimp Fra Diavolo Sauce Used 3 Ways: Seafood, Chicken, Polenta

Elegant Cheap Dishes From Manhattan Chef: Chicken With 40 Garlic Cloves, Salad and Dessert

2 Crowd Pleasing Easy Casseroles: Mexican Lasagna, Turkey Tetrazzini




Visual Insights:


Memorial Day Madness Cartoons - 29 May 2010





Poems From A Spiritual Heart: This is a poetry only blog so the poems don't get lost in the noise of all my other posts on The Social Poets. So, if you are in the mood just for a quick read of some simple poetry I'm parking it here after it debuts on the Libations Friday segments.


Peace Upon The Land

The Mystics Arrive

We Are All Sleeping Beauties

Legacy of Love

Honoring Ourselves

Pollen Storms

Snowing The Perfect Balance

The 11 Choices

The Smallest Earth Day Poem

Three Endings and One Beginning

One Mother and One Child

Release Your Dreams and Spring into Life



*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Tea Party and Rand Paul Cartoons - 29 May 2010

*** Check out the latest funny cartoons about the weirdness of the Tea Party and now their racist hero Rand Paul.





From Denny: There is just something about this Tea Party that reminds me of howling barking dogs. The cartoonists have rightly taken to task Republican Tea Party folk hero Rand Paul for his stance on civil rights. If the Republicans and Paul had their way the Civil Rights Act of 1964 would be reversed, sending over 15% of our country back into second class "slavery only" status. Along with that would go the way of women's rights and then over half the country would be denied advancement.

Why, oh, why are there still people in this country who choose to sideline half of the productivity in America? It's just not practical and certainly not very Christian of them. Jesus was the earliest promoter of women's rights, even elevating them to leadership roles in his Gospel campaign alongside the original 12 Apostles. Jesus also elevated African slaves to leadership status. Jesus was an Alpha leader who looked into the hearts of people and saw their potential and gave them the opportunities to act to develop their leadership abilities.

The Republicans really are poised to go the way of the Whig Party: extinction. Once the older Baby Boomers die off, so too will go the majority of racists to the grave. Meanwhile, we have to tolerate incendiary inept politicians like Rand Paul who claims to be The Great White Hope.

So, sit back and enjoy the laughs at the Tea Party's expense as today's socially minded cartoonists mock the hell out of them.







































*** See Also: Whats Happening in America This Week: BP Oil Spill Cartoons - 29 May 2010

*** See Also: Funny Facebook Cartoons - 29 May 2010

*** See Also: Memorial Day Madness Cartoons - 29 May 2010

*** See Also: American and World Politics Cartoons - 29 May 2010


*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Check It Out: Rolling Stones Mag Names 5 Best Songs Ever




*** Rolling Stone Magazines choice for the 5 Best Songs of All Time with music videos.

From Denny: I just spent a couple of hours running down some great music video of the Rolling Stones Magazine's choices for the 5 Best Songs Of All Time. They are putting out a special collector's issue tomorrow that has the best 500 songs of all time. Most of it is grounded in the 60's and 70's but some also in the 2000s decade.

I parked this special post over at Dennys Art Sanctuary where some history of the making of the songs is discussed:

***Rolling Stone Magazine Names 5 Greatest Songs of All Time


Take a look and feel free to put up your choices of the all time best songs in the comment section! :)

Photo by Jsome1 @ flickr

*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Funny Posts to Get U Thru Your Work Week - 26 May 2010



Chew on some funnies today...


From Denny: Hey! It's Wednesday and you still need to finish out the work week with a laughing attitude that will dismay your boss, wilt your spouse with relief and annoy your teenage children. Take a look at this short list of posts on several of my blogs this week for your laugh of choice!


BP Oil Spill Funny Quotes and Jokes: Cheeky Quote Day - 26 May 2010

Roundup of Late Night Funnies and Funny Videos - 24 May 2010

Scary Video: Dumb Kid Alert

Hunh? Funny Political Cartoons 15 May 2010

Funny Story: New Funny World Myth


*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Scary Video: Dumb Kid Alert




From Denny: After watching this video tell me there really aren't guardian angels. This silly four year old child in Turkey decided to ride the handrail of an escalator without any thought of what would happen next or how he would get down. I'm sure the ride was fun but, as you can see, he could no longer hold his grip, and fell. Lucky for him a passer-by saw what was happening and stood underneath to catch the child. Kids do the dumbest things. Is there a child-sized version of the Bozo Sapiens Award??? I bet every adult watching that video clip had their hearts skip a beat.





Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr



*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Posts Roundup at Dennys Blogs - 23 May 2010



Cup of coffee from Brazil by il Quoquo @ flickr


From Denny: Thanks for visiting all my blogs! It's amazing how much the web has changed in only 18 months. Now people can read blogs without ever physically visiting - just read the posts in a reader.

At the top of the list here for each blog are the most recent posts. I've included many of the most popular posts you've enjoyed the past few weeks too.

I've just started up yet another interest blog for posts and news on music and art. Thank you for the great response! I had no idea people would respond so well to those couple of posts so quickly.

And special thanks to the folks who posted the Jazz Music poem up on social sites this week. Apparently, there are a number of music fans out there! :) Thanks for visiting The Social Poets!




The Social Poets:


America This Week: World Politics Cartoons and Commentary - 22 May 2010

Jazz Music poem - Libations Friday 21 May 2010

Funny Poet: Guy Wetmore Carryl

Funny Volcano and Weather Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day 19 May 2010

Scientists: New Airport Scanners Not Safe

Roundup of Late Night Funnies - 17 May 2010

Funny Video: Stewart Skewers Conservatives 4 Obama-Bush Comparisons

Funny Video: Colbert Lampoons Kagan Confirmation Hearing

Posts Roundup This Week at Dennys Blogs - 16 May 2010






Dennys Global Politics:


Political Cartoons: Local and World Economy

Actor Kevin Costner Pitches Solution to BP Headache, Intelligence Head Resigns, Why Kagan Elitist Good - News Headlines 20 May 2010

Russia Furious With America Over Afghan Drugs, Terrorism Financing Un-Islamic, White House Food - News Headlines 19 May 2010

Sticking It to Iran, Obama and Jobs Creation, Survey Goes Against New Oil Drilling - News Headlines 18 May 2010

Airport Scanners Safety Questioned, Iran Skirts Nuke Sanctions, Sex Criminals Indefinitely Detained - News Headlines 17 May 2010





The Soul Calendar:


Ground-Breaking King of the Lab: Venter Creates Synthetic DNA

Video: Check Out the River Monsters Swimming Near You


Bloggers: Get The New Google Buzz Buttons

Neuroscience: Want Your Man to Better Understand You? Try Empathy Nasal Spray



Beautiful Illustrated Quotations:


Sometimes What You Sideline is a Good Thing

3 Quotes: Have You Validated Yourself Recently?

3 Positive Attitude Quotes to Help Shape Your World

Are You Stuck in Life Not Knowing Where to Go Next?

Mothers Day Quote From Rose Kennedy

How Can You Help Your Child Keep Their Balance And Yours?

Mothers Day Quote: The Funny Stages of Motherhood

4 Special Quotes to Anchor Your Dreams




Humor blogs - Dennys Funny Quotes, Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd:


Dark Humor: BP Oil Spill Cartoons - 22 May 2010

Outrageous: Graduation Debt Cartoons - 22 May 2010

Funny Video: Colbert On BP Oil Containment - No One Knows What The Flock They're Doing

Funny Video: Cartoonist Mocks Tea Party Hypocrisy

Funny Video: Betty White On SNL Monologue

Funny Video: Betty White, SNL Golden Girls Lampoon Lawrence Welk Show

Funny Video: Cover Up Your Sex Scandal With A New Batch Of Euphemisms

Terrorism and Times Square, Immmigration Cartoons - 15 May 2010

Hunh? Funny Political Cartoons 15 May 2010

10 Funny Odd Photos - cute animals and crazy dressed people!

Funny Video: TV Anchor Falls off Chair




The Healing Waters:


Controversial Successful New Treatment 4 Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Injuries During Sex, Miracle Baby, Bad Drug Ad Snitches Wanted - Health News Stories - 14 May 2010

Funny Wall Street Political Cartoons - 15 May 2010




Food blogs - Romancing The Chocolate and Comfort Food From Louisiana:


Simple Summer: 2 Super Easy Spaghetti Sauces

Easy Recipes: 4 Versions of Crawfish Pie

Triple Chocolate Toffee Brownies

Elegant Cheap Dishes From Manhattan Chef: Chicken With 40 Garlic Cloves, Salad and Dessert

Sweet Breakfasts: Caramel Pecan Buns, Sweet Blueberry Drop Biscuits, Pineapple Upside-Down Cake

Tradtional Sandwiches Updated: California Tuna Melt, Egg Salad

Chocolate Wonders: Kentucky Derby Pie, Make-ahead Chocolate Soufflé

Easy Moist Chocolate Mayo Cake From Bon Appetit

Video: Louisiana Chef Makes Crawfish Etouffee

5 Easy Recipes 4 Chicken and Sausage Gumbo

2 Crowd Pleasing Easy Casseroles: Mexican Lasagna, Turkey Tetrazzini

Awesome Cajun Barbecued Shrimp — New Orleans Style

Yummy Homemade Coconut Cream Pie

Awesome Sauces 4 Louisiana Seafood

Spring Into Grill Season: Mouthwatering Steaks

Chef Rocco Dispiritos Cheap Yet Healthy Comfort Food

Kid Friendly Recipes: Chocolate Quesadillas, Very Best Fudge




Visual Insights, photo blog:


Political Cartoons: Memorial Day - 22 May 2010

Supreme Court Nominee Political Cartoons - 15 May 2010

Dennys Funny Photo Gallery: The Nose Knows

Dennys Photo Gallery: Garden Views

Dennys Photo Gallery: Life is Just Plain Funny

Dennys Photo Gallery: How to Know Its Spring

Funny Odd Couples: Cats and Their Weirdo Friends

Dennys Photo Gallery: Spectacular Sunrises

Dennys Photo Gallery: Beautiful Blues in Our World

Photography, Beautiful Metaphor for Life: 17 Boats

Only White Theme: 26 Photos

Photo History: 1st Lady Gowns, Michelle Obama Donates Hers




Dennys Art Santuary:


The Stones, Otis Redding, Ronnie James Dio - Arts and Music News 17 May 2010

Featuring Marilyn Monroes Jazz Pianist Hank Jones - Arts and Music Headlines 18 May 2010


*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Dark Humor: BP Oil Spill Cartoons - 22 May 2010



Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr



From Denny: And BP continues to be the top contender for the Bozo Sapien Award of the week. If their lips are moving they are lying. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. These guys don't seem to know how to tell the truth even once. Everything is about hedging their bets that no one realizes or takes the time to research the truth.

First it's only 5,000 barrels of oil leaking a day to once they were called out by scientists the estimates are it could be as high as 100,000 barrels a day are leaking out of the broken well.

Then BP claims they will bear the financial burden of clean up. Now, a month later there is all this finger pointing toward Halliburton and Transocean for financial burden. They all finger point at the other guy like some crass shell game where the American taxpayers end up the losers no matter which choice is made.

The after dinner spiked coffee equivalent for BP was they then turned to their puppet Republican politicians to help stop the legislation to lift the cap on $75 million liability for this disaster. Congress will lift the cap anyway if only for self-preservation as our Treasury continues to bleed from a two-front war and unemployment benefits and other necessities. It's about time Big Business got off their fat assets and started paying their fair share - especially when they are the ones who created this colossal mess.

Well, one good thing has come out of this environmental disaster: finally, America is rid of the Bush appointee government employees running the Mineral Management Services (under the Department of the Interior) that could not be ousted any other way than through public exposure of negligence and corruption. Oh, the delicious silver lining of black gold... :)















































*** ALSO check out the full post over at The Social Poets where there are more links to great cartoons of the week:

America This Week: World Politics Cartoons and Commentary - 22 May 2010


*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Check Out 2 Funny Posts 2 Get U Thru the Work Week



British Petroleum giving "face" to President Obama about paying for their oil spill


From Denny: Check out some funnies and hike on over to one of my other blogs, The Social Poets, for some mid-work week fun!


Funny Volcano and Weather Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day 19 May 2010 - Funny volcano and weather quotes, jokes, political cartoons and funny video all designed to make you laugh til your boss fires you for "excessive merriment."

Roundup of Late Night Funnies - 17 May 2010 - Chock full of funny video clips from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and Betty White on SNL as well as the late night show jokes and quips.


*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Posts Roundup This Week at Dennys Blogs - 16 May 2010



Cup of coffee from Brazil by il Quoquo @ flickr


From Denny: This sure has been quite the week with the drama unfolding out in the Gulf of Mexico with the BP oil spill off my Louisiana coast. The cartoonists have had great fun lampooning the various lies and finger pointing from the CEOs involved. The better news is that BP is finally making a bit of headway on corralling some of the oil for clean up, siphoning it into a tanker.

Some headway is better than nothing and at least it has slowed down the rate of gushing oil and natural gas for the moment. Definitely better than using an atomic bomb to blow up the well like the crazy Russians suggested. There's a plan. Nuke the Gulf of Mexico and irradiate the ocean waters for the next thousand years. Fortunately, BP and the government are contemplating lesser crazy options.

As a result of the oil spill there are countless great political cartoons and funny videos by the likes of Colbert to enjoy. And Betty White was the toast of late night TV on SNL after turning in some hilarious performances. She then proceeded to go out all night carousing with the SNL cast after the show. She's almost 89 years old and there's no time to waste for having fun! :)






The Social Poets:


BP Oil Spill Funny Political Cartoons - 15 May 2010

Love Gift Poem - Libations Friday 14 May 2010

3 Funny Videos: Hilarious Betty White On SNL, Cartoonist Mocks Tea Party

Funny Wall Street Quotes and Jokes, Stewart Lampoons Wall Street - Cheeky Quote Day 12 May 2010

One Million Homeowners Walked Away: Can It Kill Our Economy?

Video: The Case For Walking Away From Your Mortgage

Roundup of Late Night Funnies - 10 May 2010

Funny Video: Colbert Lampoons Conservative Preacher and His Rentboy

Funny Video: Stewart Slams Media, BP, And Hypocritical Politicians For Oil Spill Response

Funny Video: 2010 White House Correspondents Dinner with Prez Obama







Dennys Global Politics:


World Economy Political Cartoons - 15 May 2010

Russians Say Nuke BP Oil Spill, Hordes Leaving Facebook, Big Business Cheats, Obamas Tax Reform - News Headlines 13 May 2010

BP Found Cheating, Auto Dealers Sleazing Public, Voters Oust Porkers, Haiti Charities Stingy - News Headlines 12 May 2010

Hedge Fund Short Selling Caused Market Dive, Cameron New Brit PM, Govt Changes Approach to Oil Oversight - News Headlines 11 May 2010

Woman Chosen 4 Supreme Court, BP Sprays Chemicals into Oil Spill, Obscene Exec Perks - News Headlines 10 May 2010




Beautiful Illustrated Quotations:


3 Quotes: Have You Validated Yourself Recently?

3 Positive Attitude Quotes to Help Shape Your World

Are You Stuck in Life Not Knowing Where to Go Next?

Mothers Day Quote From Rose Kennedy

How Can You Help Your Child Keep Their Balance And Yours?

Mothers Day Quote: The Funny Stages of Motherhood

4 Special Quotes to Anchor Your Dreams




Food Blogs:


Triple Chocolate Toffee Brownies

Elegant Cheap Dishes From Manhattan Chef: Chicken With 40 Garlic Cloves, Salad and Dessert

Sweet Breakfasts: Caramel Pecan Buns, Sweet Blueberry Drop Biscuits, Pineapple Upside-Down Cake







Humor blogs:


Funny Video: Colbert On BP Oil Containment - No One Knows What The Flock They're Doing

Funny Video: Cartoonist Mocks Tea Party Hypocrisy

Funny Video: Betty White On SNL Monologue

Funny Video: Betty White, SNL Golden Girls Lampoon Lawrence Welk Show

Funny Video: Cover Up Your Sex Scandal With A New Batch Of Euphemisms

Terrorism and Times Square, Immmigration Cartoons - 15 May 2010

Hunh? Funny Political Cartoons 15 May 2010




Visual Insights photo blog:


Supreme Court Nominee Political Cartoons - 15 May 2010

Dennys Funny Photo Gallery: The Nose Knows




The Healing Waters and The Soul Calendar:


Injuries During Sex, Miracle Baby, Bad Drug Ad Snitches Wanted - Health News Stories - 14 May 2010

Funny Wall Street Political Cartoons - 15 May 2010



*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Hunh? Funny Political Cartoons 15 May 2010



Photo by tansan @ flickr


From Denny: This week the cartoonists turned out a number of odd hodge podge catch-all opinions of a wide range of situations in the news. Of course, my fav this week were the cartoons about Facebook. I left that place a year ago and was not "allowed" to delete my account. Recently, a horde of people finally caught on to what I've been trying to tell people and now it is possible to delete your account. You bet that's what I did too. It was even more annoying to login after a year and up pops my old facebook page out of hiberation like I had never left - it was that fast.

What don't I like about facebook? Hmmm... let me count the ways. :) Mainly, I don't like the creepy psych studies they have been doing for both the government and big business to find new ways to manipulate people. They are probing for weaknesses in critical thinking, personal character and threshold of how much pressure you can tolerate. Too creepy for me so I left last year.

I'm not interested in playing one of their lab rats, especially when they don't give you a heads up they are trying to play you and use you for their bottom line: profit. I suppose it would be one thing if they asked for volunteers to their creepy mind experiments and the people understood with what they were involved. The secrecy is unacceptable and so is the selling of personal information to the highest bidders.

Check out all the crazy cartoons this week that definitely fit the bill for the "Hunh?" Factor>..


A new kind of terrorism...










Comedy in and of government:















British elections resulting in a three-way tie:



















That cavemen DNA still at work today:







Remembering WW2's Victory in Europe Day anniversary:






















































*** ALSO related to today's post for funny news and opinion, check out the mother post with all the other links:

BP Oil Spill Funny Political Cartoons - 15 May 2010


*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!
Related Posts with Thumbnails

This Week's Fav Cartoon

Moderately Confused

Genius

  • A genius is one who can do anything except make a living. - Joey Lauren Adams
  • A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see - and hits it. - Anonymous
  • A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters
  • A harmless hilarity and a buoyant cheerfulness are not infrequent concomitants of genius; and we are never more deceived than when we mistake gravity for greatness, solemnity for science, and pomposity for erudition. - Charles Caleb Colton
  • Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. - E.F. Schumacker
  • Character is higher than intellect. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire
  • Every man is a potential genius - until he does something. - Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree
  • Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead. - Robert S. Lynd
  • Every person of genius is considerably helped by being dead. - Robert S. Lun
  • Every true genius is bound to be naive. - J.C.F. von Schiller
  • Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
  • Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. - Josh Billings
  • Genius is an African who dreams up snow. - Vladimir Nabokov
  • Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one. - E.B. White
  • Genius is nothing but a great aptitude for patience. - George-Louis de Buffon
  • Genius lasts longer than Beauty. That accounts for the fact that we all take such pains to over-educate ourselves. - Oscar Wilde
  • Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them. Disagree with them. Glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. - Apple Computer
  • His genius he was quite content in one brief sentence to define; Of inspiration one percent, of perspiration, ninety nine. - Thomas A. Edison
  • I am convinced all of humanity is born with more gifts than we know. Most are born geniuses and just get de-geniused rapidly. - Buckminster Fuller
  • I can't tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring. - James McNeill Whistler
  • I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. - Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
  • I think the world is run by C students. - Al McGuire
  • I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. - John F. Kennedy, in an address to Nobel Prize winners
  • I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
  • If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • If the Aborigine drafted an I.Q. test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. - Stanley Garn
  • If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't. - Emerson M. Pugh
  • In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Self Reliance," Essays, 1841
  • Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. - Ambrose Bierce
  • Man becomes man only by his intelligence, but he is man only by his heart. - Henri Frederic Amiel
  • Men of genius are meteors destined to burn themselves out in lighting up their age. - Napoleon Bonaparte, Discours de Lyon, 1771
  • Passion holds up the bottom of the universe and genius paints up its roof. - Chao Chang
  • Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun. - George Scialabra
  • Primitive does not mean stupid. - Anonymous
  • Since when was genius found respectable? - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  • Some people take more care to hide their wisdom than their folly. - Jonathan Swift, Thoughts on Various Subjects, 1711
  • Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy between the genius and his human qualities that one has to ask oneself whether a little less talent might not have been better. - Carl Jung
  • Talent is that which is in a man's power; genius is that in whose power a man is. - James Russell Lowell, Literary Essays
  • The course of every intellectual, if he pursues his journey long and unflinchingly enough, ends in the obvious, from which the non-intellectuals have never stirred. - Aldous Huxley
  • The difference between intelligence and education is this: intelligence will make you a good living. - Charles F. Kettering
  • The invention of IQ does a great disservice to creativity in education. - Joel Hildebrand
  • The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. - Oscar Wilde
  • The reluctance to put away childish things may be a requirement of genius. - Rebecca Pepper Sinkler
  • There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. - Don Herold
  • This is the nature of genius, to be able to grasp the knowable even when no one else recognizes that it is present. - Deepak Chopra
  • Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. - Mark Twain
  • We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. - Louis Aragon
  • We should not only use the brains we have, but all that we can borrow. - President Woodrow Wilson
  • We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. - Albert Einstein
  • What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult. - Sigmund Freud
  • When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. - Jonathan Swift

Advice

  • Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. - Cicero
  • A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911
  • I always pass on good advice. It's the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband, 1895
  • Sometimes I give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it. - Mary Wortley Montagu
  • I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine. - Josh Billings
  • No one wants advice - only corroboration. - John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent
  • It is more easy to be wise for others than for ourselves. - François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
  • We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves. - Anonymous
  • The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. - Anonymous
  • When we ask advice we are usually looking for an accomplice. - Charles Varlet de La Grange, PensĂ©es, 1872
  • Old men are fond of giving good advice, to console themselves for being no longer in a position to give bad examples. - François La Rochefoucauld
  • The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice. - Anonymous
  • When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. - Henry Wheeler Shaw, a.k.a. Josh Billings
  • Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson
  • Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong, How to Save Your Own Life, 1977

Children

  • There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. - Walt Streightiff
  • Children are contemptuous, haughty, irritable, envious, sneaky, selfish, lazy, flighty, timid, liars and hypocrites, quick to laugh and cry, extreme in expressing joy and sorrow, especially about trifles, they'll do anything to avoid pain but they enjoy inflicting it: little men already. - Jean de La BruyĂšre, Les CaractĂšres, 1688
  • The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old. - Joan Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957
  • If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe
  • There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. - Frank A. Clark
  • Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton
  • Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. - Robert Gallagher
  • Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller
  • Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. - Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, 1969
  • Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are. Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are. Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun. - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
  • Children find everything in nothing; men find nothing in everything. - Giacomo Leopardi, Zibaldone Scelto
  • Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben
  • There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 1945
  • A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. - Robert Brault
  • It is not easy to be crafty and winsome at the same time, and few accomplish it after the age of six. - John W. Gardner and Francesca Gardner Reese
  • What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman
  • While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. - Angela Schwindt
  • Little girls are cute and small only to adults. To one another they are not cute. They are life-sized. - Margaret Atwood
  • The prime purpose of being four is to enjoy being four - of secondary importance is to prepare for being five. - Jim Trelease, The Read-Aloud Handbook, 1985
  • In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley
  • A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice - especially when she's taking a nap. - Anonymous
  • Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. - Anonymous (maybe Art Linkletter?)
  • There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Like fruit, children are sweetest just before they turn bad. - Dena Groquet
  • Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it. - Not Your Average Dictionary
  • Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. - Franklin P. Jones
  • In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. - Thomas Szasz
  • You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762
  • Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. - Rabindranath Tagore
  • Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. - Fran Lebowitz
  • Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. - John W. Whitehead, The Stealing of America, 1983
  • Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford
  • A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer. - Anonymous
  • Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
  • We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley
  • A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Anonymous
  • You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. - Franklin P. Jones
  • We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher

About Humor

  • The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Anonymous
  • I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it. - Frank Howard Clark
  • I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor. - Edward Albee
  • Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman
  • Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten
  • Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. - Citor Borge
  • Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all. - John Kenneth Galbraith
  • A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. - Hugh Sidey
  • A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. - Jessammyn West
  • A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William A. Ward
  • Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end. - Sid Caesar
  • Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - William James
  • Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. - Mark Twain
  • Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. - Agnes Repplier
  • Humor is just another defense against the universe. - Mel Brooks
  • Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. - Irvin S. Cobb
  • Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. - Christopher Morley
  • Humor is reason gone mad. - Groucho Marx
  • A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself. - Clifton Paul Fadiman
  • A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. - Mignon McLaughlin
  • A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. - Henry Ward Beecher
  • A joke is a very serious thing. - Winston Churchill

Birthday Quotes

  • Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. - Tom Wilson
  • Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. - Jennifer Yane
  • Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. - Larry Lorenzoni
  • May you live to be a hundred years - With one extra year to repent.
  • The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball
  • Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. - Jean Paul Richter
  • A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost
  • I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.
  • You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience.
  • I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. - George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
  • Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
  • Youth is a disease from which we all recover. - Dorothy Fulheim
  • First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. - Branch Rickey
  • Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. - Bob Hope
  • Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. - Truman Capote
  • Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. - Dan Bennett
  • Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. - Charles Schulz
  • They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.
  • When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. - Mark Twain
  • The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
  • Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. - Sam Ewing
  • Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. - Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
  • We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
  • A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.
  • There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
  • Birthdays are like girlfriends, they come and go-unless you enjoy them.
  • Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. - Chili Davis
  • To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.
  • You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
  • If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
  • Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
  • Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
  • Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
  • The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
  • Looking fifty is great - if you’re sixty.
  • I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
  • If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
  • After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
  • Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
  • Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
  • It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister.
  • When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
  • Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.
  • When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.
  • Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.
  • Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.
  • About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.
  • Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

Relationships

  • Great men are rarely isolated mountain peaks; they are the summits of ranges. - Thomas W. Higginson
  • I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. - Woody Allen
  • In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
  • A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Texas Guinan
  • He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland
  • If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
  • Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
  • The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs. - Jeanne-Marie Roland
  • Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. - W. C. Fields
  • When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler
  • Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. - Lenny Bruce
  • Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. - Oscar Wilde
  • Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use a words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid that area altogether. Trust me - Tim Allen
  • Cosmetics is a boon to every woman, but a girl's best friend is still a nearsighted man. - Yoko Ono
  • Twitter was invented by men. A woman would have chosen a higher character limit.
  • I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. - Bill Cosby
  • If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday. - Noel Coward
  • True love is like a pair of socks: you gotta have two and they've gotta match. – Groucho Marx
  • I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. - Groucho Marx
  • Ugly visual: When you're up to your nose in sh*t, keep your mouth shut. - Anonymous
  • If it weren't for women, men would still be wearing last week's socks. - Cynthia Nelms
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. - Steven Wright
  • I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. - Woody Allen
  • Love lasteth as long as the money endureth. - William Caxton
  • The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post. - George Bernard Shaw
  • Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it. - Jerome K. Jerome
  • True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
  • Sometimes I lie awake at night, & I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than 1 night." - Anonymous
  • "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? – (understandably) Anonymous
  • I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman
  • Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. - Mae West (wink wink)
  • In life; it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out! - Joey Adams

Make You Wanna Wince: Dumbisms

  • If it weren't for the last minute, a lot of things wouldn't get done. - Michael S. Traylor
  • I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. - Dan Quayle
  • The loss of life will be irreplaceable. - Dan Quayle
  • Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand. - Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst, a word smith he isn't
  • A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – (understandably) Anonymous, probably from a stoned rocker after a concert
  • If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields
  • We are ready for an unforseen event that may or may not occur. - Dan Quayle, VP to Bush 41
  • If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - Dan Quayle
  • We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover. - Parish Magazine
  • Please provide the date of your death. - from an IRS letter
  • I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them. – President George W. Bush (Bush 43)

Pet Quotes: Funny & Serious

  • When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbet
  • I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward. - G. K. Chesterton
  • Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. - Sigmund Freud
  • Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras
  • Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Anne Landers
  • If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
  • Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain
  • A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker. - Buddha
  • I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine
  • A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. ~ Anonymous
  • The dog represents all that is best in man. ~ Etienne Charlet
  • Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky
  • Every boy should have two things: a dog, and a mother willing to let him have one. ~ Anonymous
  • And God took a handful of Southerly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse. ~ Bedouin Legend
  • The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp. ~ John Berry
  • A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. ~ Samuel Butler
  • If I have any beliefs about immortality it is that certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very – very - few people. ~ James Thurber
  • The Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him. ~ Rudyard Kipling
  • The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
  • The dog was created especially for children. He is the God of frolic. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
  • There is nothing in which the birds differ more from man than the way in which they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before. ~ Robert Lynd
  • You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that! ~ Dave Barry
  • All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it. ~ Samuel Butler
  • A Horse! A Horse! My kingdom for a horse! ~ Shakespeare
  • A horse gallops with his lungs, perseveres with his heart and wins with his character. ~ Tesio
  • To err is human, to purr, feline. ~ Robert Byrne
  • To err is human, to forgive, canine. ~ Anonymous
  • Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. ~ Sue Murphy
  • No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me. ~ Anonymous
  • A dog maybe a man's best friend but a horse made history... ~ Anonymous
  • There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. ~ Ben Williams
  • I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contained. I stand and look at them long and long. ~ Walt Whitman
  • If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~ James Herriot
  • I love cats because I enjoy my home; and, little by little, they become its visible soul. ~ Jean Cocteau
  • A house is not a home without a pet. ~ Anonymous
  • In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat. ~ Warren Eckstein
  • Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. ~ Ann Landers
  • Dogs have owners; cats have staff. ~ Anonymous
  • A canter is the cure for all evil. ~ Benjamin Disraeli on horses
  • Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. ~ Joe Gores
  • Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. ~ Anatole France
  • A dog is the only thing on earth that will love you more than you love yourself. ~ Josh Billings
  • You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
  • Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes! ~ Theophile Gautier
  • The purity of a person's heart can be quickly measured by how they regard animals. ~ Anonymous
  • We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals. ~ Immanual Kant
  • An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. ~ Martin Buber
  • If all the beasts were gone, men would die from a great loneliness of spirit, for whatever happens to the beasts also happens to the man. All things are connected. Whatever befalls the Earth befalls the sons of the Earth. ~ Chief Seattle of the Suquamish Tribe, letter to President Franklin Pierce
  • There is in all animals a sense of duty that man condescends to call instinct. ~ Robert Brault, robertbrault.com ~ Robert Brault
  • To insult someone we call him "bestial." For deliberate cruelty and nature, "human" might be the greater insult. ~ Isaac Asimov, Isaac Asimov's Book of Science and Nature Quotations, 1988
  • I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. ~ Winston Churchill
  • I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me. ~ Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth, 1907
  • Be it human or animal, touch is a life-giving thing. Has anyone ever had a stroke or a heart attack while cozied up with a pet? I doubt it. ~ Robert Brault
  • I believe in animal rights, and high among them is the right to the gentle stroke of a human hand. ~ Robert Brault
  • Most pets display so many humanlike traits and emotions it's easy to forget they're not gifted with the English language and then get snubbed when we talk to them and they don't say anything back. ~ Stephenie Geist
  • Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet. ~ Colette
  • It often happens that a man is more humanely related to a cat or dog than to any human being. ~ Henry David Thoreau
  • Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills. ~ Voltaire, letter to Count Schomberg, 31 August 1769
  • The kind man feeds his beast before sitting down to dinner. ~ Hebrew Proverb
  • Lots of people talk to animals.... Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem. ~ Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh
  • Man is rated the highest animal, at least among all animals who returned the questionnaire. ~ Robert Brault
  • It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons. ~ Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
  • An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. ~ Martin Buber
  • You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. ~ Nora Ephron
  • Animals are such agreeable friends. They ask no questions; they pass no criticisms. ~ George Eliot
  • Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! ~ Anne Tyler, The Accidental Tourist
  • No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. - Fran Lebowitz
  • Cat Law of Selective Hearing "A cat can hear a mouse yawning a mile away, while filtering out the sound of a pleading human just six feet away. - Anonymous
  • Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. ~ Anonymous
  • There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. ~ Wesley Bates
  • Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. - Joseph Wood Krutch
  • A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. ~ Hazel Nicholson
  • There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. - Anonymous
  • You know your cat is getting old when she quits hunting in the back yard. Now she hunts at your dinner table.- Denny Lyon
  • Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. - Dave Barry
  • My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. ~ Edith Wharton
  • He doesn’t reckon his dog has human feelings, but he sure lets you know when you hurt his instincts. ~ Robert Brault
  • The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog. - Ambrose Bierce
  • Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~ Roger Caras
  • No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as a dog does. - Christopher Morley
  • If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. Harry S. Truman
  • A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by its own farts. - Frank Skinner
  • The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs. Jeanne-Marie Roland
  • Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. Lenny Bruce
  • Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. - W. C. Fields

Political Humor

  • A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Texas Guinan
  • He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw
  • "If we were a dog food, they would take us off the shelf." - Rep. Thomas M. Davis III (R-Va.), in a memo to colleagues about the problem with the Republican brand
  • "Now he tells us that he's the one who's gonna take on the old boys network. The old boys network? In the McCain campaign that's called a staff meeting. Come on!" - Barack Obama, about John McCain
  • "If he's the answer, then the question must be ridiculous." - New York Gov. David Patterson, on John McCain at his speech at the Democratic National Convention 2008
  • "I've been sleeping like a baby. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry, sleep two hours, wake up and cry.'' - John McCain, talking to Jay Leno about his election loss
  • "So?" —Vice President Dick Cheney, responding to an ABC News correspondent who cited a poll showing that most Americans do not believe the Iraq War was worth fighting, March 19, 2008
  • "So what?" –President Bush, responding to a an ABC News correspondent who pointed out that Al Qaeda wasn't a threat in Iraq until after the U.S. invaded, Dec. 14, 2008
  • "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." –President George W. Bush, in parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008 (Oh, this is funny on so many levels...)
  • "I don't want to be invited to the family hunting party." - Barack Obama, on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins (2007)
  • "You can always tell when the Republicans are getting restless, because the Vice President's motorcade pulls into the Capitol, and Darth Vader emerges." – Hillary Clinton about VP Cheney in 2007
  • "Thanks for the question, you little jerk." -- John McCain, after being asked by a high school student if he was too old to be president. For good measure, McCain then threatened to draft him. (2007)
  • "I've been asked if that nickname bothers me, and the answer is, no. After all, Darth Vader is one of the nicer things I've been called recently." - Dick Cheney (2007 – this guy thrives on negative attention)
  • "A year ago, my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn, and my Vice President had shot someone. Ahhh, those were the good old days." – George W. Bush, at the 2007 Radio-TV Correspondents' dinner

Holiday: Mother's Day

  • Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills: Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno, comedian, TV host
  • Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns, American vaudeville and TV comedian